I’m an 18 year old woman and I’ve dated (term used loosely, and yes, I was legal when this occurred) 5 men in their early to late 40s. It’s just my preference. Maturity wise, it really depends on the individual how emotionally intelligent or perceptive they are. I’ve met some really “under developed” middle aged men who were unbalanced because they prioritized work and fiscal success over interpersonal relationships. Some also have massive commitment and intimacy issues, leading them to avoid dating women their age who are more eager to settle down. Others were divorced and didn’t want to be tied down again. Haven’t dipped my toe in the married category yet, but the young mistress component is very common.

Anyway, I could write a whole book about older guys who tend to date much younger women—there’s a similar strain that flows through them.

Even though I am just 18, I look much older. If I’m not dressed like a college student, I could pass for being in my 30s and 40s. No joke. When I was 13, a stranger asked if I had kids on Mother’s Day. I just look much older. So usually the derogatory p-word has never been a piece of criticism against my partners. I was never the baby-faced angel most would envision entering a situation with an older man, like a Lolita or a Mathilda or an Angela Hayes. In some ways, this makes me look much more normal in public with one of my older boyfriends. We don’t get stares because the age difference looks more 10 than 30. In other ways, looking much older has been a drawback because I feel that I’ve lost a lot of protection and sympathy that would have been afforded to somebody who looked like an average teen. There is a large advantage in the anonymity of the Internet, as the advice I receive in person lacks some of that sensitivity and consideration I would prefer. That is to say, because I look more mature, I am assumed to must know better and I lose more guidance.

My only relationship and sexual experience have been with guys over twice my age. I’ve never even romantically held hands with a male peer. Ironically, it would feel off, I would feel like a predator for dating somebody so young. Younger guys usually don’t express an interest in me because I look older. Unless if they have a MILF kink, but I haven’t run into any of those.

I’m aware my view of relationships and dating is skewed from the age distribution of the men I’ve been and slept with. I’ve learned a lot about human psychology and the ethics of power dynamics that exist in these relationships because of my experiences. But I feel like the long term consequences of my actions will only be realized much further down the line. I do not plan on dating someone my age unless if they’re exceptional, but I also feel like I’m missing a core experience of my formative years—young puppy love without 1970s baggage.

Advice from others my age is welcome but I’m more looking for perspectives from older women who have been in age gap relationships when they were younger.

TL;DR: what did you wish you knew when you were a young woman dating a much older man?