Submitted by lostgofl t3_yimx0n in relationship_advice

I’m an 18 year old woman and I’ve dated (term used loosely, and yes, I was legal when this occurred) 5 men in their early to late 40s. It’s just my preference. Maturity wise, it really depends on the individual how emotionally intelligent or perceptive they are. I’ve met some really “under developed” middle aged men who were unbalanced because they prioritized work and fiscal success over interpersonal relationships. Some also have massive commitment and intimacy issues, leading them to avoid dating women their age who are more eager to settle down. Others were divorced and didn’t want to be tied down again. Haven’t dipped my toe in the married category yet, but the young mistress component is very common.

Anyway, I could write a whole book about older guys who tend to date much younger women—there’s a similar strain that flows through them.

Even though I am just 18, I look much older. If I’m not dressed like a college student, I could pass for being in my 30s and 40s. No joke. When I was 13, a stranger asked if I had kids on Mother’s Day. I just look much older. So usually the derogatory p-word has never been a piece of criticism against my partners. I was never the baby-faced angel most would envision entering a situation with an older man, like a Lolita or a Mathilda or an Angela Hayes. In some ways, this makes me look much more normal in public with one of my older boyfriends. We don’t get stares because the age difference looks more 10 than 30. In other ways, looking much older has been a drawback because I feel that I’ve lost a lot of protection and sympathy that would have been afforded to somebody who looked like an average teen. There is a large advantage in the anonymity of the Internet, as the advice I receive in person lacks some of that sensitivity and consideration I would prefer. That is to say, because I look more mature, I am assumed to must know better and I lose more guidance.

My only relationship and sexual experience have been with guys over twice my age. I’ve never even romantically held hands with a male peer. Ironically, it would feel off, I would feel like a predator for dating somebody so young. Younger guys usually don’t express an interest in me because I look older. Unless if they have a MILF kink, but I haven’t run into any of those.

I’m aware my view of relationships and dating is skewed from the age distribution of the men I’ve been and slept with. I’ve learned a lot about human psychology and the ethics of power dynamics that exist in these relationships because of my experiences. But I feel like the long term consequences of my actions will only be realized much further down the line. I do not plan on dating someone my age unless if they’re exceptional, but I also feel like I’m missing a core experience of my formative years—young puppy love without 1970s baggage.

Advice from others my age is welcome but I’m more looking for perspectives from older women who have been in age gap relationships when they were younger.

TL;DR: what did you wish you knew when you were a young woman dating a much older man?

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samzimms t1_iujffby wrote

Your posting history shows this is an issue you are fixated on. Perhaps just spam and not authentic.

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lostgofl OP t1_iujfyxs wrote

It is an issue that has been on my mind, yes. I recently entered therapy that my uni provides and I’ve been evaluating the impact of my relationships and their long term effects. I feel like it’s a valid concern, and this is out of the scope of the perspective and support my friends could provide so I have to seek it out in other ways, hence the Internet.

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murderousbudgie t1_iujg589 wrote

I think you need to maybe head to therapy and examine how your own relationship with your physical looks is affecting how you interact with men. Assuming you're being honest and all of this happened after you turned 18, that's a brand new old fart every 1-2 months in order to go through five of them by now. I'm closer in age to your boyfriends than you and, thank God, I caught on pretty early as to what sorts of men pursue women in their teens and twenties when they're 30+ so I didn't ever involve myself with them for more than a night. But I've seen friends throw away their youths, and it's only when they turn the age that their partner was when they first met that the realize the problem.

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yowen2000 t1_iujg6kp wrote

> but I also feel like I’m missing a core experience of my formative years—young puppy love without 1970s baggage.

I think you said it yourself, this is what I imagine you wish you knew.

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lostgofl OP t1_iujgz1w wrote

Definitely. Sometimes I have an envy of the pure love I see some of my friends receive from their partners. A very unconditional, thoughtful, untainted care and affection. I wrestle with my feeling that I don’t deserve that type of love, that I’m past it somehow. That I’m already too jaded, bitter, or inferior (compared to other girls) to be fit for it. A superficial analysis would lead me to think I have low self esteem and self worth, but I carry myself confidently and I practice self love. It’s been difficult pinning it down.

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lostgofl OP t1_iujia9d wrote

There is no cookie cutter shape for these guys. I’ve had a fling with an Ivy League professor, a rendezvous with a businessman that made 7 figures who took me around the world, and several others would had the ability to provide and guide. Needless to say, my parents had no leash on me and my adventures. They were very uninvolved. More than material possessions though, I valued the stability and mentorship my partners had from their life experience.

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yowen2000 t1_iujizwk wrote

> but I carry myself confidently and I practice self love

But neither of these things actually convinces me you believe you are confident, or that you actually love yourself. It just means you know how to appear or behave as such.

> I wrestle with my feeling that I don’t deserve that type of love, that I’m past it somehow. That I’m already too jaded, bitter, or inferior (compared to other girls) to be fit for it.

And this only further proves it, you've resorted to relationships with older men as you don't have the confidence or self-love to feel that you deserve an unconditional relationship with someone your own age.

It's never too late to change that. People your own age will always be there and some will even be prepared to date you.

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murderousbudgie t1_iujj48w wrote

> Needless to say, my parents had no leash on me and my adventures. They were very uninvolved.

Another one for the therapist. People like to pejoratively call girls in your situations out for having "daddy issues" (which is unfair) but at base it sounds like you crave the type of support you didn't get from your parents and sexual relationships with older men was an easy way for you to get it.

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lostgofl OP t1_iujjgqa wrote

I think I’ve always known this, I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thanks. Now I’m an adult and have to pull myself out of bad patterns. It is a difficult responsibility, putting myself back in therapy might be the next step.

It is very sad because it means admitting to myself that my parents failed their task and I suffer the consequences. All of my choices are my own, but how much agency does a young woman really have?

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TuggNiceman t1_iujl2ml wrote

>It is very sad because it means admitting to myself that my parents failed their task and I suffer the consequences.

Join the club. :(

It's not okay, but it's going to be alright.

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childofcraigslist t1_iujooua wrote

> I valued the stability and mentorship my partners had from their life experience.

Not to "therapize," but you're basically trying to recreate the sense of emotional safety you didn't get in your childhood. This isn't at all uncommon for people who grow up with neglectful parents; it creates a void and something has to fill it.

I definitely think therapy is the way to go here. It sounds like these relationships haven't been too damaging so far, but every time you get involved with a much older man you're gambling on him not being the type to take advantage of this craving for stability and guidance to control you.

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madeoflime t1_iujotns wrote

A lot of young women, myself included, start getting hit on/cat called/male attention during puberty, ~ 10-13. This translates into “You are so mature for your age!” or “You developed into quite the woman now!”. They were lying to you.

I highly doubt you look like a 35 year old at 18. The only 18 year olds I’ve seen that look 20 years older than they actually are, are usually on drugs. And even if you do look older, you are not. You do not have the same experience as a 35 year old, developmentally, financially, and emotionally. Recognize that.

You are still very young. Guys your age are much more likely to love you for who you are, because you are at their level.

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