Round-Midnight-7011 t1_iuitiaz wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:31 PM

I understand your vagueness, you want some privacy, but without knowing what was said, it will be basically impossible to suggest an effective apology.

Some more general suggestions:

Since alcohol and a blackout was involved, stop drinking entirely. Reassess after 6 months what your relationship with alcohol is, and go from there.
Apologize sincerely, but do not grovel. Do not feel so bad and guilty about what you said that he ends up having to do the emotional labor of comforting you. At no point should he feel the need to reassure your feelings.

Illustrious_Video687 t1_iuizj3y wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:10 PM

I did want to keep it vague purely due to privacy but it was something along the lines of “I wish you were more fun” which I 100% do not think or feel and have never expressed anything remotely similar to. I don’t know the context or way I said it at all.

Round-Midnight-7011 t1_iuizzk3 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:13 PM

Huh. Does this touch on a specific insecurity of his?

It's not a nice comment, for sure, but it's also not long the lines of "you have never satisfied me sexually and you're pathetic". This seems a pretty strong reaction to a comment like that. I get that the comment stung, don't get me wrong! But it isn't as bad as what I imagined.

If you don't truly feel that way, can you trace your thoughts back to figure out why you said it? There is always a why, even if that why is just "I was being a salty drunk and said something to poke you to get a rise out of you."

Illustrious_Video687 t1_iuj0te5 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:19 PM

Not any specific insecurities that I know of.

I’m assuming that I might have said it to get a rise out of him or as some fucked up salty drunk joke. I know that my friends and I clown on each other a lot drunk or not but I usually don’t do it around him.

Round-Midnight-7011 t1_iuj1knp wrote on October 31, 2022 at 6:24 PM

Ok, well, sit down and think things through and get an answer that is more definitive than "I'm assuming". This isn't the time for ambiguity.

Then, when you talk, explain to him why you said that. Apologize again sincerely once, but don't belabor it. Reassure him that you don't feel that way, and use specific examples to back it up.

After that, you've really done all you can do. I don't think you should bend over backwards too much for a comment like this.