Boyfriend accidentally saw new messages from stalker ex and questioned why I don't have him blocked

Submitted by Ok_Satisfaction_3828 t3_yigj1p in relationship_advice

I've had this long-standing ex (my first relationship ever) who'd keep sending me messages from other accounts whenever I'd block him. So, at some point, I just stopped blocking him and simply ignored the messages when they came. After doing this, I really no longer felt shackled by his harrassment as I knew that even if he reaches out to me all he wants, I can just never respond and live my life in peace.

The thing is, my boyfriend accidentally saw him sending me messages when I was chatting with another friend. I told him what's going on with the ex and how I just ignore his messages but he kept questioning me again and again why I didn't take more measures against him. He was suspicious of my passivity but I personally don't feel like I've done anything wrong.

Tl;dr: bf questioned why I didn't take more aggressive means against stalker ex and I'm not sure that's fair

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dancing_chinese_kid t1_iuijpo4 wrote

Understandable from both of your perspectives. You know yourself, but your boyfriend isn't you so it would be natural to wonder what the motivation was to not continue to block the ex.

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MyOnlyThrowawayNick t1_iuij6oi wrote

Well, you could block any new account. Have BF watch, then sit back and when ex comes back again, repeat blocking with new BF and when it happens again you can say to new BF "See!?".

It takes a few seconds to block someone. I say take the time out now, show him and then after a few times he will understand. It gives him peace of mind.

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VanMan32 t1_iuiio03 wrote

Did you tell him early on he's just messaging you from different accounts? Not hard to understand it becomes harder to block someone if they're using separate accounts.

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moon_and_back_95 t1_iuilfi3 wrote

I also had a stalker ex and I agree with you that ignoring is much better than blocking! The reason is simple - blocking is an actual action you make, the ex messages you and receives a reaction from you, which is blocking him. Doesn’t matter that you’re blocking him, for him it’s basically getting attention from you, which was his objective all along. Instead ignoring him doesn’t give him the satisfaction of having a reaction from you. I stopped blocking my ex and ignored his messages instead, eventually he stopped. Perhaps you can explain it like this to your boyfriend, your strategy is definitely the best way to deal with this situation (unless of course it gets to the point you need to contact the police)

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rathrowawaysadgyal t1_iuijtlq wrote

Pretty red flaggy that he’s blaming you for being harassed. If women used up all their energy to stop their own harassment we wouldnt even have time to live lol

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eIvanGammer t1_iuimhao wrote

the red flag is having someone harassing you, and instead of go to the police so he stops, you just let him do it and dont expect a bad response from your partner

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