Jesus Christ this got more and more toxic as I kept reading. You need to leave. Seriously. Your boyfriend is a pathetic excuse for a man. He has destroyed your self-confidence so much that you think he is the only one who could ever put up with you. And I say out up not love because even you should be able to see that he doesn't love you. Let me tell you what a healthy relationship looks like and then you can compare. In a healthy relationship you feel like you are with your best friend. Someone who never makes you question of you're good enough or if you're pretty enough. You just feel safe, comfortable and like the prettiest girl on earth when you're in his presence, because he's attracted to you and let's you know, even when your hair is messy and your sweater has a stain. He's the one you go to first when something made you happy and he's the one you go to for comfort. He doesn't threaten or manipulate, he works things out and communicates. He sees you as an equal and doesn't give you orders or ultimatums. Being with him makes your life better, you don't need him because you're happy alone, but him being there is like the cherry on top. If you cannot relate to any of what i just wrote it's because you're not in a healthy relationship. You are destroying yourself by being with him. Leave.