UsuallyWrite2 t1_iuhjip7 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:48 AM

I mean…fundamentally, you shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do. Your free time is yours to use as you wish and you’re not required to meet or hang out with anyone.

That said, based on your follow up comments, you’ve been invited to a group get together where this friend is one of many who will be present. It’s not a one on one situation. If you need to “like” everyone who shows up for a party else you won’t go, you’re going to have a pretty bland social life.

I also think it’s kind of weird to prejudge someone to the point you won’t even meet them for something so basic as she posts racy photos of herself online. If she was a racist or a homophobe or something major? Okay, yeah that I would understand. But if your partner considers this person a good friend, I’d hope his judgment is pretty good and this is a person you can get along with.

My partner had a friend I didn’t much like after I met him. I told my partner I didn’t want to be alone around the guy. Within a few weeks of my experience, the guy was pretty much excommunicated from the friend group. Aside from that dude, I’ve never met a friend of my partner’s that I couldn’t at least tolerate as he has pretty good judgment.

[deleted] OP t1_iuhkbpl wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:56 AM

It's not just that. I don't want to go into detail, but there's a pattern of very attention seeing behaviour, which I have had previous bad experiences with in different ways.

See, the scenario you described is exactly what I want to avoid. I don't want to cause anyone to be excommunicated from a friend group, or disturb other people's friendships in any way.

UsuallyWrite2 t1_iuhkpf2 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 12:00 PM

I wasn’t the reason the guy got kicked out of the friend group. No one else in the group knew about my experience. I simply told my partner I didn’t want to be alone with the guy.

You do you, but you asked for opinions and in mine, I think you’re being kind of silly to not even meet the gal. If you meet her and she’s seriously not your cup of tea and you can’t possibly be in her presence, we’ll then fine. But to me it’s like when my partner’s kid says “I hate that, won’t eat it” when he hasn’t even taken a taste and assumes that something green is an onion vs a granny smith apple. Yeah, they look alike but they aren’t the same.

[deleted] OP t1_iuhl84r wrote on October 31, 2022 at 12:05 PM

I really do appreciate your input! I will have another think about this whole thing.