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OptimisticRealist__ t1_iuhskva wrote

Reply to comment by user096578 in Girlfriend ignores texts/calls when she's out late by user096578

Very much disagree with the other user.

I barely ever reply to texts and pretty much never pick up my phone, when im hanging out with friends, cause im just enjoying the moment and the conversations etc.

This is not in any way a proof that my gf is not a priority in my life - she very much is and she knows that. But just like i wont expect her to reply to me all the time when shes out, she doesnt expect me to do so either.

Like you gotta also let your partners have space and time on their own too, folks.

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user096578 OP t1_iuhsw87 wrote

I just feel like it wouldn't have taken much effort to say "hey I'll be back around 3 or 4" or "hey I'm not coming back tonight". Idk. We should figure out what the expectation is there that's reasonable to her.

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Loco_Motive_ t1_iuhxcrt wrote

Personal experience: my gf worries a lot about me when I‘m on business trips. She wants me to check in just to know I haven‘t been in a car crash or similar. I oblige, always annoyed but I do, because she has a point. In other situations, that would feel like I‘m twelve and shouldn‘t be out past curfew.

Might not be much physical effort, but the mental effort of telling someone „no, I‘m a responsible adult of sound mind, the situation is under control“ can be immense. Why would you even doubt that?

It might not feel like that to you, but it sure does to me, and I suspect it does to her. Would you feel better if she answered „I‘ll be out a little later, catching a cab around 4. Love ya honey 😘“ while getting railed by another dude? Worst case that‘s all you would achieve.

I‘d advise splitting this up into two problems: You wanting her to check in more often. You worrying she might want to cheat on you.

Do not mix them with each other, cause neither‘s solution will do fuckall for the other problem - at least if problem #1 doesn‘t exists solely because #2 exists.

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OptimisticRealist__ t1_iuhtk7l wrote

Im just saying, not everything automatically needs to be a big conspiracy to cheat on you or whatnot.

Again, i can only speak for myself, but i think almost everybody has been in a situation where they are out with their friends and having a good time, they see a message on their phone and just think to themselves that theyll reply later. I know i have.

So my advice would be, to on one hand talk to your gf about your and her expectations, but please not in a demanding or.accusatory way. I guarantee you that will make.her annoyed.

Id also advice you, to not obsess over what your gf is doing when shes out. At a certain point you also have to trust her. If she really was cheating, no amount of obsessing would prevent her from doing so anyways.

And on a sidenote, an ex of mine would routinely send me "thinking of you" texts when she was out. She was the only gf i had that ended up actually cheating on me. Just to put things into perspective

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