How long should I wait after a friend’s SO’s death to post things with my SO

Submitted by Mushroom-frog12 t3_yiojyn in relationship_advice

My best friend’s bf of three years passed away suddenly on Wednesday. When we all found out, we were devastated. All of our friends comforted her to the best of our ability, but his parents requested for his body to be brought back home states away to be buried. My best friend left Friday to go be with his family.

Our friend group still celebrated Halloween, though less intense and happy. We simply dressed up and got a few drinks at a bar and called it a night. Then we all flew out for the funeral. I told my bf not to post anything of us during the weekend. None of the friend group posted as well due to being sensitive for our friend’s loss.

However, now we’re all wondering when it’ll be acceptable to post without being insensitive to her loss. Specifically, when it’s acceptable to post our significant others.

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stevencri t1_iujntak wrote

I think it’s perfectly fine to post whenever. Nobody said that you can’t make Instagram posts or celebrate a holiday while grieving. Sometimes that’s the best time to party because it helps keep your mind off things. If it were me, I wouldn’t want people holding back their fun over my SO’s passing. As long as you’ve showed you’re grieving and you make it clear that you haven’t forgotten about them (and you’re there to support your friend in their time of need… reach out regularly and check on them) I don’t see why an insta post should matter.

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whereisthetvchanger t1_iujpx3r wrote

I’m so confused why you wouldn’t post at all?? He wasn’t your boyfriend…so it’s not like you having a bf is bad???

I get not talking to her about how great things are for you, but your social media is yours. How you spend your time is not up to her. She can’t expect to see her feed empty of people having fun. You can also adjust privacy so she doesn’t see the post.

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Mushroom-frog12 OP t1_iujtht2 wrote

She and her bf were supposed to be joining us for Halloween prior to his death. It seemed wrong to be posting ourselves having “fun” (we were all grieving still so fun is a loose term) with our significant others when she just lost hers. We don’t need to remind her that the rest of us still have significant others. Obviously we’re not going to shield her from seeing couples ever again, but considering her bf wasn’t even buried yet, we didn’t want to post. We wanted be sensitive to her during this time.

We’ve adjusted our privacy on private stories and such so that she would not see, but public posts such as instagram, you can’t hide from specific people unless you block.

I know we can’t hide couples from her forever, but I know it must hurt her at the time to see happy couples. So I just wanted to see what people thought was an appropriate time to wait.

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whereisthetvchanger t1_iujwoty wrote

Yeah I say post lol. Maybe that makes me insensitive but I see no issue. It’s one thing to brag about being happy to her personally, but just seeing this on social media is totally cool in my book. If she doesn’t want to see anything like that, she needs to be off social media.

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