My sister is scaring the shit out of me

Submitted by tidd494 t3_yiq9ok in relationship_advice

This whole thing may sound weird to you but please hear me out, I am truly scared of her as I believe she developed an unhealthy dependence on me.

A few months back, my sister [36F] told me she would never get better while living at our toxic home and chose to move away. But she did it without having any plan for work nor any saved up money. She stole a few belongings from the house and she has been calling various family relatives (whom she told me she doesn't trust) to lend her money.

Anyway, I felt weirded out by her actions because I personally would never do that and would just focus on getting a job. In addition to this, I'm going through my own mental health crisis, so I distanced myself from her while giving her some resources she could use on her own. But the phone calls and messages wouldn't stop even though I told her I couldn't support her anymore as I myself wasn't feeling well. Eventually, i stopped responding altogether.

After seventeen calls from her yesterday I finally caved in and called her back, and she told me that she was having an appendix crisis the night before but it passed. That's why she kept calling me. I asked her if she'd gone to the hospital or got checked, to which she said no and that I was the only person she contacted.

She then told me that she went to my school today to ask about me but couldn't remember which major I was in and asked me to tell her. I was legit scared at that moment I'm not gonna lie. I told her I'll talk to you later and hung up.

What is she doing? What does she want from me?

Tl;dr: I made it clear to sister that I wanted to focus on my own mental health and am not in a position to help her. But she won't stop calling/messaging and today went to school asking about me.

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hisimpendingbaldness t1_iujxp67 wrote

She needs psychiatric help you can not provide. Point her at a real psychiatrist, you are not it.

Her showing up at your school is a huge red flag. Do not give her money or let her in where you live unescorted

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1istheloniestnumber t1_iujxkuq wrote

She has a mental crisis. Warn your school that you don't want to get any Information giving out to your sister when she asks and tell your sister to go to a hospital.

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Any_Dress_3811 t1_iuk3awk wrote

She's not respecting your boundaries, so she's not going to listen when you tell her to leave you alone. She's going to push the fact that you're family to get as much out of you as she can like she has with other family members. Stand your ground and stay safe.

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Detozi t1_iuk4n7p wrote

She’s in full on self-destruct mode. Been there and done that. Sadly even if you were good yourself you would be in no position to help her. It is possible to pull yourself out of that hole without professional help (I did but I didn’t realise what was happening at the time, I can now looking back though) but it can take literal years.

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softshoulder313 t1_iuk6ww6 wrote

Sounds like a mental illness especially at her age.

Without knowing what you have done is reinforce that if she calls enough you will answer. Stop doing that.

You aren't her mother or therapist. She's an adult on a path she chose. If she didn't think about how she was going to live on her own that's her problem to work out.

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