TattooPuddle t1_iui24kr wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:25 PM

If you have proof, I'd send it to the other guy. You're right, he deserves to know.

TyrannicalBotanical t1_iui2818 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:26 PM

Personally I'd tell the other person because I'd want to know if my SO was cheating on me.

Ok-Prune-3952 t1_iui29jn wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:26 PM

How is it you were together for years and did not know? To answer your question…absolutely tell him.

J_P_3_ t1_iui2np6 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:29 PM

Some people are excellent, calculated liars. I realised when she couldn’t keep up her lies and began to slip up. Only being able to see me at certain times, disappearing recently etc.

Ok-Prune-3952 t1_iui373s wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:33 PM

I hear you on the liar thing. It is mind boggling. You absolutely should tell him. She cheated on him for YEARS.

Sbbart62 t1_iuigisf wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:04 PM

I get that, and it’s not the first time I’ve heard of someone doing this, but it always comes down to the time commitment for me. I don’t understand how it could work out. Maybe it’s because after somewhere around the two year mark, my now wife and I were pretty much living together and rarely apart. I cannot imagine how I could have been gone long enough to satisfy the requirements of another whole-ass relationship while still keeping my original SO mollified lol.

Is it like a 3 days on, 4 days off with the other person sort of deal? Crazy!

FatTony394 t1_iui2gz3 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:28 PM

As long as you completely and permanently remove that lying liar from your life, you can do whatever you want. Tell him or don't tell him, it's up to you.

misterk2020 t1_iui39wi wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:34 PM

Tell the other guy. You would want to know if it was you.

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arcxiii t1_iui3s11 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:37 PM

Don't waste your time asking her to confess. Send evidence to the other guy.

AstronomerCold4881 t1_iui5cmv wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:48 PM

I honestly would tell the partner but only if A) I had proof (screenshots etc.) and B) I would never meet up with the partner alone.

I would go into the reveal as non-confrontational as possible...for all you know they're in a weird poly relationship where they get off on the extra partner not knowing. Let him know that for the last 2 years, you thought you were exclusively dating his SO and that you apologize if this is not an arrangement the two of them have. In case it wasn't you want to let them know, and give them the opportunity to decide for themselves if they were going to continue thier relationship with all the facts.

Be careful with this. My partner spent a lot of time of dating apps before he met me and caught A LOT of cheaters...he was almost a magnet for them...though it doesn't help that he's one of those people who can sniff out a lie a mile away. Sometimes I feel like it's literally impossible to deceive him. In the beginning he would send evidence to almost every single partner (even though he didn't engage in relationships with these women) - and almost every time he was treated as some sort of villain by the other party. One guy even threatened him with death threats...for sending screenshots of his wife's dating profile and just saying 'Hey, I talked to your wife for a few days on this app, stopped when I found her real FB and saw she was married, and in case this isn't your arrangement I wanted to let you know.'

Eventually, after this reaction became the norm, morals be damned he decided it just wasn't worth the spammed angry messages, threats and hate anymore from people he was trying to help out. So he stopped tattling on the cheaters he encountered online.

A lot of anger may get transfered onto you. Do not expect her partner to be grateful for your information. You've potentially just told them something that can destroy life as they know it and they may get angry at you for it. Which is why I said B) don't agree to meet up and, if you do, certainly not alone. Bring a friend. Make it public. People will sometimes request in persons so they can verify your identity and make sure you're not just some random person trolling them with a fake profile.

Critical_Age1687 t1_iui5fe4 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:49 PM

I've been there... got dumped the same day she told me that she was engaged to the other guy (that I knew nothing about). The engagement didn't last... she cheated on him too.

I (28M) found out my partner of 2 years (30F) has a long term relationship with another man and I have been the side piece. Do I tell her ‘real’ partner?

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