I have Long Covid and it’s too much to handle for my girlfriend

Submitted by throwRAlongcovid t3_z96p1r in relationship_advice

Hi. I am 23 years old and my girlfriend is 24. We’ve been together for 5 years, living together for 3 years. Since June this year I have been suffering from long covid, giving me breathing problems, exhaustion and muscle pain. This means I have been less able to do chores at home, especially since I’ve also been trying to keep up my studies at university.

I know that this is automatically a burden for my girlfriend. She has to clean more, make more food, walk our dog and do other sorts of stuff, and it’s a lot to fit in her already busy schedule. Some days I feel better and try to help her as much as I can, but it’s not always easy.

Understandably, it’s been hard for her too. Lately she has started complaining more and more about everything. It’s something she has the right to do and I truly understand it, but it’s also an increasing burden for me. All day long and pretty much every day she complains about all the chores she needs to do, how our apartment looks bad, whenever there’s dishes to wash, when our dog is misbehaving (he’s one and a half years old and not exactly on his best behavior). There’s nothing I hate more than fulfilling the “muh gf complains all the time” stereotype. It’s just really hard for me to feel like this much of a burden for her, that it’s stressing her out and ruining her days constantly. Often I feel forced to help her out more than is good for my own well-being, and some days I do a lot more chores than she does. It’s draining me physically and mentally.

Obviously this is not an easy situation at all. No one is particularly to blame here. I want to communicate with her about it, but she shuts down very quickly. I tell her she’s 100% allowed to feel negative emotions as a consequence of my illness, but sometimes that means that I feel sad emotions because of what she feels. She shuts down and tells me I don’t understand how hard it is for her. It’s quite a downward spiral. I want to help her go to therapy, but she has negative experiences with it in the past and is highly sceptical of it. Our parents help out with quite a few things, but that doesn’t seem to lighten the burden for her.

I guess I just need some advice on how to talk to her about this. Maybe anyone has had similar experiences. It’s putting a strain on our relationship, which is hard to push back on when I’m already so exhausted. I just want her to feel good, and I also want to feel loved and cared for.

What do I say, what do I do? Can we even keep living like this?

TLDR: My sickness stresses my girlfriend out immensely and she doesn’t seem to want to talk about. It’s exhausting for the both of us

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the responses! It’s clear to me that I need to seriously take more care of her needs and that we need to find some different solutions. I know I might not have made it clear in my post, but I definitely do do a lot of chores around the house, but I need to realize that these are things I have to do even though I am sick. I’ve become too comfortable viewing her as a caretaker, and I’ll apologize to her for that. I’ll change my ways, I promise

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post_faith t1_iyfb8me wrote

Caretaker burnout is a real and valid thing. You need to come up with an alternate arrangement to take some of the burden off your gf. Hire someone to come in and clean a couple times a week. Buy yourself some microwave meals. Do something about your dog.

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyf8x67 wrote

Can you buy premade meals or meal prep on days you feel good? Do you two use a dishwasher? Can you put your dog into training camp so they don't misbehave? I'm confused why there are that many chores. Are you two messy and don't pick up after yourselves?

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throwRAlongcovid OP t1_iyfa8bl wrote

There aren’t that many chores, but it’s still a lot for her. We do have a dishwasher. We meal prep, but pre made meals are a bit harder to come by as we eat vegan. She has to get home after a long day at uni/work, then has to take the dog out, make dinner, fill/empty dishwasher + clean other stuff, wash clothes etc. It’s a lot to do almost every day

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Samanthzzz t1_iyfa02x wrote

Some people just aren't equipped physically or emotionally to take on the role of a care taker. Have a serious talk with her about what you're able to do and what you aren't. Have her talk about what she expects from you and if she can keep up with this arrangement for an undetermined amount of time. You can try and mitigate things but she may not be up for this kind of lifestyle which sucks but as it sounds now, everyone is miserable.

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throwRAlongcovid OP t1_iyfajzf wrote

So if she’s not the caretaker type then we just have to end everything? Splitting up with her would be the last thing I’d ever want to do, she means very much to me

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Samanthzzz t1_iyfczha wrote

not necessarily but something big has to change so you can both be happy in the relationship. Like others have suggested, possibly a housekeeper, dog walker, professional caretaker, etc. but all of that relies on money so it may also become a financial burden as well

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