My son (7m) isn’t my husband’s(29m) and I (27f) don’t know who to talk to

Submitted by rosesandkittens5 t3_z93thv in relationship_advice

Tldr; My son is not my husbands I’ve just realised this that my eldest isn’t his. I always knew it a possibility but now it’s all too real.

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years.

My son isn’t my husbands. I realised this recently when my son looks very similar to his other possible father and nothing like my husband or even me. Im scared my husband will realise now and am living in paranoia.

We have a 18 month old daughter too who is most likely my husbands and a son on the way so I have been faithful recently.

I don’t know what to do because I love my husband and our children but im also afraid and I don’t know what to do. The only other person I’ve told recently is my brother and he just said that if things go wrong I can always have the option to leave and go to him. I’m a stay at home mum so I wouldn’t really be able to move out on my own.

I really have no idea what to do which is why I’m on here.

0

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

Intheboxalready t1_iyeu3s7 wrote

" so I have been faithful recently." wtf does that mean? If you cheated on your husband, you need to tell him. You are not only cheating, but lying and deceiving him as well. He is married to the person you are pretending to be. It's beyond shitty if you don't tell him. You are shitty anyways if you cheated......

He should not be stuck with your affair baby. You sound so selfish......

34

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyevcwf wrote

He’s happy and in love things are complicated and I’m trying to find a way to make it stick the way it is

−29

Intheboxalready t1_iyevu6u wrote

He's happy because he is believing a lie. He believes you are faithful and trustworthy........you are neither of those things. You are a piece of shit and he should know.

23

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyewyej wrote

Please no the first time was when I was at the start of our relationship and weren’t even properly together. I just got pregnant and he thought our son was his and that happened. Now the time that my daughter was conceived I was with a person I loved in the past a lot but couldn’t be with so it was a long time coming really

−27

VariationX7 t1_iyey8vp wrote

You're even trying to justify your cheating? You really have no remorse at all, you are horrible, truly horrible. " It was a long time coming" I can't. If you truly have any form of love for your husband or any decency left in you, you tell him the truth, but I doubt you will

18

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyeyrih wrote

Yes because it was a long time coming because it was with someone I’ve loved my whole life

−12

VariationX7 t1_iyezbec wrote

And that means you can just cheat? It isn't a long time coming when you're in monogamous relationship, tell your husband the truth and go be with that guy then. You show no accountability, no remorse for you actions, no feeling sorry for your husband that he is raising children that aren't his and living a lie. You're beyond help, hope karma slaps you back.

17

Intheboxalready t1_iyexr1u wrote

Tell your husband that. He deserves to make a choice based on the truth...don't steal that from him too.

17

VariationX7 t1_iyevtwd wrote

He is in love because he doesn't know the real you, he is love who he thinks you are not the deceitful and vile person you actually are.

8

DeiuArdeiu t1_iyeujn6 wrote

Leave the poor man alone. Holy shit... not even his 18 months daughter, but you love him?

Just tell him and have your bags ready. Of your kids too...

19

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyeuw6e wrote

No she’s almost definitely his it’s just my son that isn’t and I do love him

−12

DeiuArdeiu t1_iyev7ty wrote

She's " almost" definitely his. So you cheated on him at least twice. His "son" shouldve been 100% his same as his daughter...

Ma'am please... wake up.

19

dragon12892 t1_iyevld4 wrote

Almost definitely. Wow, so not even 100%. You need to tell him now, the longer you wait, the messier this will get. Their biological fathers need to know too. Wanna see the fall out when you wait til the oldest is 18 and does a 23andMe?

9

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyf24y3 wrote

My daughters possible one knows but I’ve lost touch with my sons

−1

Mynameispiragua t1_iyevrmn wrote

Almost??? Please get a DNA test done. For both kids. And Maury isn't available anymore.

7

canadianbriguy1 t1_iyeu95n wrote

So am I understanding right that your oldest is the product of cheating, your 18 month old might be the product of cheating, but your confident your current pregnancy is his. So he doesn’t know about the repeated cheating? I’m not going to offer advice on how to continue to deceive your husband.

16

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyf4hly wrote

Stop calling my children “products of cheating” just say something different rather than labelling them and it’s better for him if he thinks they are all his

−6

canadianbriguy1 t1_iyf66x8 wrote

Truth hurts? I’m really hoping this is a troll post at this point. If not, you really need to take a long look at who you are as a person and as a partner.

14

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyf6t93 wrote

I’m not a bad person in the way of “oh no she’s evil” I’m a good person and have just made some decisions that don’t fit to many peoples idea of good but I’m alright with that. I love my children and my brother and my husband and those are the most important things.

−4

Tailbone77 t1_iyex2pg wrote

Are you for real lady?? Wow

The truth always comes out and I hope it does soon, so he can see what a BIG POS he's dealing with...

Wow...just fu*king wow

12

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyf49rp wrote

What?

−2

Tailbone77 t1_iyf4sha wrote

You're seriously asking me what??

You really need to get your head examined...that's what!!

9

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyf526t wrote

U just seem so angry at a random stranger online

−2

Tailbone77 t1_iyf5i9t wrote

😆😆 you're fu*king delusional yes...

You're cheating on your husband and asking if I'm angry...lmfao

I really hope he finds out the truth as soon as possible and kicks your dumb ass to the curb...

7

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyf6hmj wrote

Wow ok so u are “angry” at a randomer online what? Get a life. And no he won’t find out because I’m trying to stay on top of it e.g. this post

−1

Tailbone77 t1_iyf6zav wrote

Hahahahaha good luck with that one...

You really think he won't find out???

Poor poor guy...karma is a biotch and I hope it strikes you swift and sure

7

rosesandkittens5 OP t1_iyf7siy wrote

He won’t trust me he’s happy and in love without a suspicion in his body

−1

jinsoox t1_iyeuvbk wrote

So you cheat on your husband so much that you now don’t even know which kids are his and which aren’t? I’m confused

10

jmgon79 t1_iyewx94 wrote

You’re fucken trash

10

Machopsdontcry t1_iyetu3s wrote

You tell him now before he wastes even more time of his life pretending to be a father to a kid that isn't his. You own up to also cheating around the period the 2nd kid was conceived and most likely you'll be justifiably forced to do DNA tests on all kids due to your unfaithfulness.

If you're worried about him correctly getting angry then you inform him with somebody else by your side and prepare for all possible outcomes. You can't blame him especially if he has no idea that you were cheating multiple times already

8

Tensionheadache11 t1_iyf7d6k wrote

So you been cheating in him off and on for 8 years ? Ya you suck

5

rotonoscope t1_iyeu8oc wrote

Do you feel like your husband would react violently?

Because if not, I feel like the person you should talk to...is your husband. If you've been unfaithful, that's not really something to keep to yourself. He deserves to know the truth.

4

CermaitLaphroaig t1_iyevlv0 wrote

So you've been actively cheating within the last 2 years as well?

Oof. Well... good luck

4

Square_Water4636 t1_iyex0sm wrote

In the age of 23 and Me, this was always going to come out eventually. The best thing you can do is tell him now, so you can express remorse and give him enough respect to make an informed decision on your marriage. If he finds out any other way, he will leave for sure.

4

VariationX7 t1_iyevprw wrote

Wtf does half of this mean "My daughter who is most likely my husbands" You are one awful human being. Tell him he deserves to know and your kids deserve to know who their father is. I feel so bad for your husband

3

SnooWords4839 t1_iyf6x60 wrote

We have a 18 month old daughter too who is most likely my husbands and a son on the way so I have been faithful recently.

Please be a troll!!

3

1dreamer3 t1_iyeuadq wrote

Actions have consequences unfortunately your actions have consequences for many people, you must tell him the truth and hopefully he loves you enough to forgive you. This is not something you can keep secret with many companies like 23and me.

2

Intheboxalready t1_iyeupgy wrote

no, hopefully he leaves the marriage and tells her to fuck off

3

1dreamer3 t1_iyew9qc wrote

That's what I would say but unfortunately with children it gets complicated also with her being a stay-at-home it can get extremely expensive for him even if he did absolutely nothing wrong

2

helpmewitha t1_iyezpjx wrote

And depending what state they are in, he could still end up paying child support for the children that aren’t his just because they were married at the time of their birth. Even if DNA proves the kid isn’t his. This has happened to friends and family of mine.

3

JACSliver t1_iyfc8f9 wrote

If something can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth.

2

AutoModerator t1_iyetdmx wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1