Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

TheHunyBadjer t1_iyd5c2i wrote

it can be saved you just have to show him you can do better. I know plenty of couples where someone cheated and now they're getting married. This notion that a relationship has to end because someone made a mistake is false.

−3

VariationX7 t1_iyd7kbm wrote

Cheating isn't a mistake, it's a conscious series of decisions. A mistake is dropping a glass or forgetting to take out the trash.

7

TheHunyBadjer t1_iyd8klh wrote

I understand. But does that mean we shouldn't forgive someone for making a bad decision? I am not advocating for cheating i am just saying, people can fuck up multiple times and still be fixed and can become a good person

0

VariationX7 t1_iydalun wrote

I would never take back someone who cheated and I can't say I understand the people who do. I would forgive in the sense that I wouldn't carry hate in my heart or wish anything bad happened to them, but I would never get back with them. Cheating doesn't inherently make you a bad person, but I think continuous lying and deceiving someone you "love" does. People can obviously change and learn from it which I hope they do. A good friend of mine cheated once on his ex, he felt true remorse and confessed himself the next day, they broke up and he focussed on himself and became a better person

3

N3rdScool t1_iyd63g1 wrote

Maybe if it was one mistake... how many of the same mistakes do you make until you can say it's not one?

3

TheHunyBadjer t1_iyd6glq wrote

i mean as many as the person is willing to give. Personally speaking i wouldn't take a cheater back but if the dude who got cheated on is willing to forgive and forget multiple times why not let them.

−1

N3rdScool t1_iyd7897 wrote

He forgave once if I am reading right... I do agree he may take her back who knows but she will cheat again if he does. "accidentally" of course.

5

TheHunyBadjer t1_iyd85us wrote

maybe so or maybe not. But people can change after making the same mistake multiple times. I really think the only way the relationship works is if she proves with her actions (not her words) that she not going to cheat again; like going to therapy, being transparent and open not engaging in shady shit etc. Not saying its right but when someone cheats it's usually because the other partner wasn't doing something fulfilling

0

N3rdScool t1_iyd8u8b wrote

I mean break up if you're unfulfilled... If he takes her back it teaches her nothing...

I really believe if she was going to prove it, it would have to happen after they break up to give him time to heal. They don't have kids and are not married, it just seems like a lot of work when dude could be happy and himself with someone else.

2

TheHunyBadjer t1_iyd9svr wrote

Very true. But i don't know if it doesn't teach her anything, maybe after this time she feels like shit and she decides to actually change her ways. And if he really loves her and is willing to be with her as she get better so be it.

And are we sure he can do better? to stay with someone you know fucked another dude behind your back kind of makes you a loser. I know dudes who know they're getting cheated on but wont break up with them because they know they won't get anything better.

2

N3rdScool t1_iydanty wrote

That last paragraph is so toxic I don't even know what to say to that lol

I do hope OP makes better decisions and I hope her bf finds someone who talks about issues instead of cheating. Maybe that will be OP XD

2

TheHunyBadjer t1_iydb1et wrote

only hope. shit maybe the dude is mind fucking us all and is only staying with her for sex and until he kind find someone better.

1

N3rdScool t1_iydczip wrote

Toxic toxic toxic lol maybe they deserve each other XD

2

[deleted] OP t1_iye4jqi wrote

As stated in my post, he Hasn’t had sex with me in months.

1

childish_badda_bingo t1_iydazw5 wrote

This isn’t a just a mistake. Cheating fundamentally breaks trust. Whenever she goes somewhere or is texting too much, his first thought will be is she cheating again and lying to my face?

2

TheHunyBadjer t1_iydcq05 wrote

1000 percent agree. but what if he forgives her fully and she is actually trying her best not to be a fuck up and is doing so through all the right channels. What i am saying is the relationship can be saved it just requires all parties to actually want to save it

1

childish_badda_bingo t1_iydd27o wrote

I think in order for this to work there has to be a level of scrutiny most adults don’t want and don’t have the energy for.

She’d have to give complete access to her phone at all times and location at all times. And respond to text and phone calls immediately. And if she ever goes radio silent or disappears for “me time”, then the relationship is over.

It’s too much.

Then you get into the notion of balancing the scales. Every time there is a fight or resentment well she cheated. So she’s always wrong.

1

TheHunyBadjer t1_iyddvmf wrote

See I think you are projecting what YOU would do in this case. Because I know people personally who have stayed with a cheater and don't act that way, they don't ask for the password or expect immediate replies or are bothered by silence.

1

childish_badda_bingo t1_iydgfp4 wrote

Certainly. I think the relationships you’ve thrown out as anecdotes simply won’t work in the long run. And taking back a cheater is 99% of the time a mistake. Because cheaters don’t stop cheating.

1