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nintendoinnuendo t1_iycp8un wrote

Shallow and stupid after 10 fucking years the woman can't get a haircut without killing your boner. Grow up fr.

And also, have you addressed what brought on this sudden change in style and appearance? This type of thing doesn't happen for no reason.

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TyphoonCane t1_iycpa13 wrote

If she has stopped considering what you want from a relationship then it's time to end it. I wouldn't end it over this being a single instance of her giving the cold shoulder, but if it is part of a larger trend of her ignoring your wants then it's time to leave. Cooperation is a choice on both ends, and if you two aren't giving what the other wants then it's just time to stop cooperating.

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Seemedlikefun t1_iycqou4 wrote

Take a step back and look at this from a different perspective. What other changes have been happening that you haven't been paying attention to? This is not taking place in isolation. Her disregard for what you like and find attractive about her appearance didn't stop overnight. You need to look for patterns of both yours and her behavior changes, and pull on that thread. Regardless of the true reason, these are major red flags including the 10 year time frame. I'll not tell you what I think is going on, because your gut is screaming at you enough that you are posting here.

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ProfessionalOven5677 t1_iycr5xw wrote

I’m not sure if the approach of focusing on making the other person happy is the right. What about self-esteem, confidence, being happy and secure with how you are? What about liking yourself? For me that always comes first. Taking care of yourself is important. So have you even talked to her why she made those changes? How it makes her feel? How she felt about her appearance before? To me clothing can be very empowering, the right kind gives me confidence and makes me feel badass. Also what’s so wrong with experimenting a bit with your style at some point in life. Most women I know get bored of their hairstyle every now and then and Thema change from long to short time and let it grow out after.

Maybe I’m wrong with that, but when you compare it to how you would feel about changing your style for her, I think it’s different because I’m general (again I could be wrong and over generalizing) the role of style, hair, clothes etc for women is just different. A lot of women I know including myself love getting ready and doing some self care. Like face masks, hair masks, styling hair, make up, choosing a perfect outfit etc. So I think for many women those things are a way of expressing themselves, having fun and feeling god about themselves. While a lot of men don’t really care that much about their outfit and put less time in their hairstyle and picking clothes as long as they look kept together. And if that’s the case for you too, then changing you hair cut for someone is not the same as when you hair and style is very important to you.

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Murky_Anxiety4884 t1_iycrpky wrote

Hair style is a pretty superficial basis for love. What are you going to do when her skin gets wrinkled?

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Indecks9999 t1_iyct61a wrote

Than I would suggest bring those other issues up with communication. if there was something that triggered the change in her, you should let her know you would like to understand.

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ProfessionalOven5677 t1_iyct6d8 wrote

But has she ever let you pick what to wear or how to style herself? Also as a woman I just have to say I would hate for someone else to chose how I look. Yes I ask my boyfriend for opinions, like should I wear this skirt or this, or should I buy this thing etc. But I know if it was entirely up to him I’d be wearing a different style. And I can say that if I had to weak stuff that I don’t like (on myself), that I feel don’t fit my personality and style I’d be miserable. I’d be insecure and having more insecurities than I already have. It’s hard to describe but style for me is really an expression of personality, art and mostly how I want to be viewed and view myself.

And again have you talked to her about stuff like that, her feelings about her appearance, style etc?

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smolbirb123456 t1_iyctj1g wrote

If her getting a haircut makes you unable to even have sex with her anymore I don't think u were every rlly attracted to her to begin with

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[deleted] OP t1_iyctj7i wrote

Everyone should have the freedom to express themselves through their appearance, you can't ask for that.

However, you can ask for her to put more work into your relationship with smaller gestures of love. Or look up love languages and tell her that you want her to express her love through that. And of course do the same.

Just don't expect someone to change or wear certain things just to please you.

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Black_Tears524 t1_iycum3v wrote

Your post makes you sound superficial and selfish. You're asking why she won't look a certain way because it's what you like, what about what she likes or wants. Why can't you love her enough to accept her changes?

You say you would do it for her if she asked but has she asked? Or does she love you enough to accept any changes you make in your physical appearance without having a tantrum?

She made changes to her appearance and you are focused on you in this, ignoring that those changes could be the result of something deeper going on with her.

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