Wife has left but idk if she’s coming back or not please help !! Sad and depressed

Submitted by Dry-Bench-5845 t3_z94cmm in relationship_advice

Need advice, me and wife decided to call it off after 10 plus years. We have a daughter together (5 years old) and I am so stressed hurt and having extreme anxiety. She said that I was being cold and not showing her love and giving her attention the way she wanted. I told her I didn’t know she felt that way and that I apologize and wanted to change she said she didn’t feel the same way for me anymore, we tried working things out for about a week of me trying to show her love but she just pushed me away saying she’s done, so I decided to tell her to leave because I did not want to stay with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.. I love her so much and miss her and would love to make things work but idk what to do. After she left I kind of stayed strong and tried to not contact her other then when she reaches out and she has been reaching out more since she left. Asking about my well being and saying she has anxiety as well. Will she come back or what do I do I cannot take this anymore !!!

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BinkoBankoBonko t1_iyexkbo wrote

> She said that I was being cold and not showing her love and giving her attention the way she wanted

This is probably a lie. She needed a quick excuse.

> saying she’s done

I'm sorry man. This is a very quick/abrupt ending seemingly. Doesn't sound like she wanted to try and make it work at all. Most couples with issues would go to therapy etc or you would've seen this coming. My strong guess is she has another guy and made some bullshit excuse.

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyezih6 wrote

There’s more to it what I posted was in a nutshell she says she still wants to be with me but she doesn’t feel the connection anymore. But I have a good gut feeling about another guy although she swears there isn’t

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BinkoBankoBonko t1_iyf0buq wrote

Yah man. Keep it together for the kid. Get on a workout regiment and spend negative energy in a positive way. If she "doesn't feel the connection" that is time to get a couple's therapist and figure out wtf is going on.

BTW there is always "not another guy" and they always "swear there isn't" if there is another. Probably like 95+% of cheaters say these things. I would snoop honestly.

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyf14n1 wrote

She did changed her password and over the week of me trying to win her back she was out and about “living her best life” like being extremely drunk to the point of blackouts and I had to go pick her up and not staying home and me just constantly just trying to fix us… she says she wants to stay but isn’t sure anymore about us

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BinkoBankoBonko t1_iyf1tjw wrote

Block out what your wife is doing and make sure that child is taken care of. Child first. Then you can deal with your brat wife.

You can figure this out. Clearly some things are going on outside your marriage. Find it.

Therapy. If she refuses it is done man.

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyf383z wrote

It’s sad man I’m losing it

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BinkoBankoBonko t1_iyf3nl2 wrote

She is going to go live her "best life" and abandon her family. Your child needs a strong parent now. Go look in the mirror and tell yourself what needs to be heard. Then spend negative energy in a positive way. Be strong brother. You will only grow from here.

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyf3zux wrote

Im trying im going to do this for my daughter though !! I will get through this thanks for the advice brother

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redditavenger2019 t1_iyexl58 wrote

Where is the child?

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyeyvw3 wrote

With my wife, she’s living now with my wife’s mom. I don’t think I was a bad person or a bad husband I had my flaws but so did she I never asked for perfection.

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redditavenger2019 t1_iyezs5l wrote

It is a good sign she has reached out to you. Suggest an in person meeting , lunch including the child. If all goes well, suggest a meet just the 2 of you to talk, just coffee. See where it goes. Baby steps.

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyf04y0 wrote

We always see each other this is fresh she bearly left yesterday.. as soon as I told her that I did not want to be with some one who didn’t want to be with me and she left to her mom she reached out almost midnight asking me how I was doing and trying to initiate conversation but idk if I should act like a cold heart and keep it dry and simple ?

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redditavenger2019 t1_iyf11nb wrote

You cant fix things if you are apart. Suck it up. Show her and tell her you still love her and want to remain a family.

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyf19oq wrote

I have I told her all the time I even send her flowers to her job today and I asked her if we would ever get back together and she said she doesn’t know what the future holds

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blueavole t1_iyezwcp wrote

She has been trying to reach out and talk to you, why are you rejecting her if you want to make this work?

Yes, the two of you have had a serious breakdown. Have you discussed therapy or counseling? You may need to go by yourself to work on some of your anxiety issues. Those can make it hard for you to connect. This is important for you no matter what your wife decides.

This can’t have been only 1 week of problems.

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Dry-Bench-5845 OP t1_iyf0tqv wrote

No like I said over the years I do realize I haven’t kept up with her like I should, dealing with issues like the typical man who hides his own personal problems and I told her I want to change but after a week of me trying to be with her and show her I want her back she told me she didn’t want to be with me and I can’t force someone to stay as much as I want her too. I cried to her and begged her to stay but she didn’t want to and I finally told her yesterday to leave but now she reaches out to me I’m just so confused

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AtheistBibleScholar t1_iyfd1ln wrote

Have you two tried couple's therapy? It sounds like neither of you wants to be apart, but aren't able to function when you're together which is exactly what it's about. It doesn't make you bad people for doing it. There's no shame in therapy.

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