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frockofseagulls t1_iyeizvv wrote

Girls say fuck too man.

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Ok-Paramedic-6472 t1_iyejc9o wrote

I know that. But is it okay to hear it from your partner especially over an argument? We are both in our 20s. I would expect this in high school but definitely not where we are now. I’ve cursed around her but never AT her directly. This is a first for her too.

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petulafaerie t1_iyenj5l wrote

My husband and I are in our 30s and have definitely lost our temper and sworn at each other before. Tempers run high in an argument, and often especially when there’s been miscommunication because not feeling understood is a separate frustration of it’s own. Once we’ve both had a chance to cool off we apologise and talk it out calmly and respectfully.

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Ok-Paramedic-6472 t1_iyenzzk wrote

Thank you for this 😅 Really puts things into perspective, although as this is the first time it still does kinda hurt. I felt like I deserved it if someone as kind as her had to cuss me out. Maybe I should do a self check too.

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petulafaerie t1_iyeokxm wrote

It really sucks when you have a silly argument because of miscommunication that spirals a bit out of control, which is sort of what this sounds like. Arguments suck in general, I’m sure you two will work through this one :) and maybe even figure out some better ways to communicate with each other as a result!

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyekxxu wrote

Context? What did you say before she said it, and what were you talking about?

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Ok-Paramedic-6472 t1_iyelcco wrote

I said she could’ve simply apologized instead of blaming me because she meant it as a joke and that i was “attacking” her.

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyemkib wrote

What she said was rude. In a relationship, I'd like it to be respectful without telling the other person off or any other forms of resentment and dismissal.

I'm confused why it escalated so quickly. Do you two get into arguments over minor things like this often?

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Ok-Paramedic-6472 t1_iyenb8e wrote

We don’t. She said she got it from me but I don’t recall saying “do whatever you want” to her, genuinely. I do tell her to do whatever will make her happier when she asks me if she should do this or do that like read this book or that book or if she should start doing this instead of this. i make sure to say it sweetly and add a term of endearment at the end. i’m thinking maybe that could’ve hurt her? but she never seemed bothered whenever i said that. if she were, i’m pretty sure she’d give me hints right away.

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyeq911 wrote

I'd say just apologize to each other, have a discussion over what happened and what to do next time, and move on.

As for the "do whatever you want", try to say something else like, "would you feel happy if you did it?" Or "I'm glad you value my opinion. Personally I would". If you say something like "you should do what you want", it could be taken as a tad dismissive. She cares about your opinions, so she is asking you. If you put it back on her, that may make her feel like she can't engage with you as much.

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