This is not true. My narcissist exhusband definitely self harmed and berated himself but it was again just a manipulative tactic to get me to feel bad for him instead of holding him responsible for his actions.

You can love each other and it not be right for each other. It sounds like you both need to be alone and do some work on yourselves. She definitely has a bunch of shit to figure out but you should think about what kind of partner you want. Do you want to be the provider? Do you want a 50/50 household? What about income-based household? What boundaries should you set for when income flexes? How should you communicate with your partner about how dates will be done based on how well you do financially that month etc… there are tons if different people out there, you just need to know what you want/need and then you’ll be able to tell that this girl is not it lol and maybe the next one is.