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So........what advice did you want?

What are you asking?

The man provides in a committed relationship.

She's taking advantage of you, and giving nothing in return that's worth the cost.

Leave. Set yourself straight. Focus on your goals, be better for yourself

Both parties should ideally provide in a committed relationship, it sets up a very unbalanced relationship when there's only a single breadwinner

I’m sorry. I feel like she is taking advantage of me to a degree and acts like a child when she avoids responsibility for her actions. Would you agree that we are supposed to work together on things? And every time we try to have a serious conversation it’s almost like there is no “us” it’s that she’s going to do what she wants to do regardless

Run. Runnnnnn. You got a narcissistic manipulator there.

I'ma be honest dude I won't go fucking near a woman who scoffs at splitting a bill or who lets a single word like "provider" spill from her lips. It's 2022 I expect women to be prepared to be part of a dual income household. If you ever have a partner act like this about money discussions even once, that's your exit. That goes for everyone of all genders.

Its 2022 unless you and your partner agree fully on stay at home and one income or on a specific person being responsible for finances, or something similar, finances should be handled as equals.

I think you should end it. You appear to have made yourself perfectly clear multiple times and she gaslights you in to thinking it’s all your fault or you should be doing more. She’s manipulating you and taking you for a ride financially. She sounds exhausting and frustrating. You’re going to be better off (in terms of your finances and your mental health) being single.

Like I said she pays for groceries and electric And I pay $1000 rent and $100 for internet.

Max she spends on groceries is $500. But I’d much rather shop smart and have a plan every week. I feel like I don’t have a voice or that she never validates my concerns, whether financial or emotional because of the things she does

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Could you live with this for the rest of your life? No? I think that's all the answer you need.

Jesus tapdancing Christ, dude.

> I don’t take shit from people but I take shit from her..

Understatement of the century. This just got worse and worse with every paragraph. Stop looking for distant signs that things can get better; they won't. Look at the wreck of a relationship in front of you. Then leave it the fuck behind.

Anything else I could possibly say has already been said here. Best of luck with this. But don't wait. Just leave.

Like I said she pays for groceries and electric $150 And I pay $1000 rent and $100 for internet.

Max she spends on groceries is $500. But I’d much rather shop smart and have a plan every week. I feel like I don’t have a voice or that she never validates my concerns, whether financial or emotional because of the things she does.

She will Stonewall, where she says nothing whatsoever when I’m trying to talk.

She will shut the conversation down by saying she’s sleepy, then if I don’t go to sleep she’s right back up and active and happy, because the conversation was avoided.

She says things like “this is so embarrassing, the man is supposed to provide”-bringing up splitting bills.

Even when I get to the point of crying out of frustration, after she’s mad me so angry by acting like a child, saying that I don’t want to leave her but I feel like I’m gonna have to, and she’ll just sit there staring at the wall. Never takes full accountability.

How can I get her to act like an adult? Do I just threaten to pack my shit and leave and go no contact like I have before? I feel like she needs therapy in order to act right.

That’s what a Psychiatrist told her in January. She was prescribed mood stabilizers but they didn’t do much, and that’s when she was told she needed therapy.

She didn’t take it well. She said “I’m just fucked up man!” And cried for hours in bed

Your girlfriend is not only childish and immature, but also manipulative and insecure.

Terrible, TERRIBLE combination. Let someone else deal with that, you shouldn’t be annoyed for the rest of your life…

>How can I get her to act like an adult?

You don't. That has to be something she wants to do and she clearly isn't in the head space for that. If you're unhappy in the relationship, just leave. Don't drag it out. You tried the ultimatum and no contact thing and it didn't work so I can't see why you'd want to stick around anymore.

Kick her out and go no contact after making sure all her crap is out of your place. Move when you can so she can't find you. She is definitely using you.

Alright... cut all the drama out from this situation. It comes down to a simple question. She has shown you who she is. Aside from all of the mistakes and communication challenges, are you willing to spend the rest of your life with someone exhibiting this behavior? Only you have the answer to that question. Just know that if you choose to continue without compromise, the situation doesn't change. Are you OK with accepting these personality traits?

You can spend all the time in the world asking the internet what is normal, but every relationship is different. Things that bother you may not be an issue for others.

If you are still interested in my random opinion, here goes...

She does not respect you and uses emotion to manipulate you into behavior she finds acceptable. She is not mature enough to handle adult conversations around money and relationships. While there are a million different types of relationships, there are only a handful of healthy communication strategies. All of these strategies involve conversation, reviewing compromises, and moving forward. You cannot grow in your relationship if you do not employ these tactics.

Drop her, do want to be used like this for the rest of your life? She is manipulative, she wants the perks of traditional gender-roles, having you provide, but doesn't want to act her part.. Break up and just go nc, so she can't manipulate you anymore

First she’s gaslighting you.

But in answer to your questions, yes in a relationship especially before marriage both parties should work together and contribute more or less evenly regardless of gender.

In this specific relationship, she is clearly taking advantage of your kindness and you should break up with her.

If a woman ever tells me that it's a man's job to provide I'm going to simply reply that it's a woman's job to be a homemaker so I will no longer cook or clean but I enjoy causing trouble so take my advice with a grain of salt

"Man must provide" is kind of an irrelevant issue here. This is an unhealthy relationship. Y'all aren't on the same page, don't have a good foundation of communication, you don't have the same goals or expectations. You have a lot of drama and unhappiness. It's ok to just move on. Find someone who suits you better.

Who provides is up to the people involved in the relationship. What matters the most is that you agree on the setup, not who does what. If you want someone who is an equal partner financially, date people who expect to be equal partners financially.

That’s kinda what I’ve been thinking. Is that she has Narcissistic traits. But she apologizes for things too much, used to cut herself. I’ve been told Narcs will not cut or apologize for much of nothing

Yes she is. But the thing is, I think it could be a little of My Fault..

When we first met, she had her apartment. She paid for Groceries and her rent. I only paid for us to go out and eat and buy her things. Never asked a penny of me.

Flash forward a year later, we get the house.

It was MY IDEA for her to just pay groceries and electric, while I paid for Rent ($800).

I spoiled her and told her to save her money.

I don’t really think she is a full blown covert narcissist, but how will I know for sure.

To a degree, I feel like I’ve created this beast by taking more responsibility than I should have, but on the other hand the insecurities which give her feelings of doubt in our relationship (Her fear that I would leave her and go back to my parents house because my relationship with them is much better compared to hers with her family)

Her fear that I am planning on leaving her, after she watched stupid fucking tiktoks where the theme is “if he wanted to he would”

She is extremely clingy. I’ve never known a narc to be that way

She's clingy because she knows you're fed up and she wants to keep her lifestyle.

That’s what I’ve told her every time. That I know it’s manipulative and she has no logic in her baseless arguments. Like she wanted to go eat breakfast at a high end joint. Told her I wasn’t paying for it. She pouted. Asked again and I told her the same thing.

It’s not like I jump at her every wish or command. I don’t by any means whatsoever. If we go to the bar, I got cover fee, she has drinks.

If she wants something to eat she pays for it. Like I’ve known it’s manipulative for the longest, I don’t really play into it.

Like with the self harm thing, I just looked at her and said “What the fuck? Really? That doesn’t make a lick of sense when I never said one mean thing to you”

Or “Is that reaaally the reason? Or are you trying to make me feel bad?”

Like the manipulation the trys only works in the aspect of her avoiding it in the end. There’s just never any owning up to her actions and taking responsibility. So I just stay pissed off

I mean she’s ALWAYS been clingy. Like ever since we met. Her lifestyle didn’t really get to the point where she was spending money all the time until I pretty much allowed it when we got the house two years ago.

The only thing that prevents me from leaving, is wondering if she’s just gotten way too comfortable with her lifestyle, because I haven’t held her to the same responsibility I hold myself.

I almost left two weeks ago.

I called Mom up and told her that I’m 90% sure she’s a Covert Narcissist. I had been telling my parents about a lot of the shit she does for the past year.

Mom comes over and brings boxes. I kinda started to break down because I didn’t picture her getting angry and having a meltdown.. I pictured her crying her eyes out and having a panic attack because she has abandonment issues. Her mom did shit like stick her in the closet and leave her when she was a baby.

So Mom kinda talked me out of leaving. Said that her and my dad used to have all kinds of crazy fights and that she used to do some of the things my Gf does. Like say mean disrespectful things and never apologize.

My parents broke up and got back together a bunch when they were our age. Got divorced twice and got back together. They are still together today, even though mom gets super mad at him.

Me and My Mom kinda compare me and my gf’s relationship to her and my dads. Me being more like my Mom and gf being more like my Dad

Well yes and no.. I understand and know that none of it is my fault. I will admit that I get very angry when she starts the stonewalling or saying things like “it’s embarrassing bc you’re the man” etc.

My response to that was “Oh horse shit! It’s 2022 and you’re a grown ass woman and I’m not making shit this month. Grow up”

Like she gaslights me, but I’ve always seen right through it. I’ll just tell her to stop cause I’m getting sick of it. That she needs to take responsibility.

Like how she didn’t offer to help with gas yesterday but paid for lunch. The only reason I didn’t say anything about it yesterday was because I was so fucking tired of thinking about it and didn’t want to get into it after driving all day.

But I’m going to tell her “Alright so I spent $130 in gas, WE have $1000 in rent and x and x and x. How do you want to do it because I’ll be damned if I blow all I’ve saved on bills so you can spend how you please”

Your damsel in distress wants to play the damsel 24/7. You can opt out of being the White Knight.

If you are looking for a partnership, she's repeatedly told you that that's not what's on offer. Stop waiting for the answer to change, what you see is what you get.

Kick her out and find someone who cares about you not just what you can provide for her.

Get a new one.

This is not true. My narcissist exhusband definitely self harmed and berated himself but it was again just a manipulative tactic to get me to feel bad for him instead of holding him responsible for his actions.

You can love each other and it not be right for each other. It sounds like you both need to be alone and do some work on yourselves. She definitely has a bunch of shit to figure out but you should think about what kind of partner you want. Do you want to be the provider? Do you want a 50/50 household? What about income-based household? What boundaries should you set for when income flexes? How should you communicate with your partner about how dates will be done based on how well you do financially that month etc… there are tons if different people out there, you just need to know what you want/need and then you’ll be able to tell that this girl is not it lol and maybe the next one is.