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michuru809 t1_iyevghg wrote

You might as well ask if people change who they fundamentally are.

Cheating isn't tied to a single behavior- it's a whole series of behaviors that are essential for perpetuating the acts. In order to be a cheater you have to be comfortable with lying, manipulating, gaslighting, reduce your empathy for someone you may/may not care about (but pretend to care about), and putting your wants ahead of someone else's safety and security. On top of that, when you tell the truth you don't have to have a good memory- but when you lie... well now you have to have a good memory for what really happened and what you said happened, and possibly rely on other people to also have good memories and now you're into remembering what you told someone else to remember. Maybe good note taking too? Have a little dossier of lies you've told? Sounds like a lot of work for the cheater, even more work for you to keep up!

It's not a switch that gets turned off, it's several behaviors that the person has to want to change. He actively sought out other people.

You'll be way moved on before there's any hope for him to change.

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Aitainthis1999 t1_iyew3a0 wrote

This is a hard reality I needed to hear

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[deleted] OP t1_iyezj4u wrote

[deleted]

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Aitainthis1999 t1_iyf07ub wrote

Just reading that killed me inside. Thank you for taking the time to help me realise how pointless this is.

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biteme717 t1_iyf35o6 wrote

Does he know yet, and what did he say? Also good for you and have a wonderful life and enjoy yourself!!

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Aitainthis1999 t1_iyf3hmu wrote

He knows and he says he’s very sorry he went on tinder but also he thinks I’m crazy for using that service to find out. Sigh

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biteme717 t1_iyf40w6 wrote

Typical response, it's not like he was going to tell you. You have just dodged a bullet and ridded yourself of more headaches and heartbreaks!! Feel good about yourself and I hope you find happiness in the future!!

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