Submitted by commentator30 t3_z8xs1u in relationship_advice
I (F 22) have been dating my boyfriend (M 23) for about five months now. For three months of our relationship, we were long distance. He arrived on the 16th of November to spend 3 months living with me, he’s from South Korea. As thanksgiving came we’d spent the weekend with my parents. I wasn’t into having sex during that time because the idea of sex in my childhood home gives me the heebie jeebies. we were there for 2 days, then when We’d been back in our shared home together for about 2 days, and I still wasn’t in the mood for sex. so it was only about four days time since our last sexual instance. By the end of the day he started saying “why are you doing this to me?” “this is torture” because i wasn’t having sex with him. After talking about the situation, he told me a man’s confidence goes down because why wouldn’t I wanna have sex if I thought he was attractive, but that he was sorry for saying those words and feeling negative about me not wanting sex. This was at about 5 AM… by 1 PM that same day I woke up, he laid on my chest laughing maniacally saying he saw my folder. saying if he didn’t laugh he’d cry. saying he hates me but he still loves me. He said his thoughts didn’t change about me but he thought I must’ve been cheap to make those videos at the time they were filmed (a year and a half before i met him) and that he felt cheap to just probably “be one of those guys”. The truth is I don’t view my hidden folder.. (EDIT: I forgot to mention, he had also sent the videos to himself.)
I hate that no matter what I say it’s going to seem like a cover up. If I add a video to my hidden folder I never view it again, and since we were long distance going through my phone thoroughly to delete things just in case didn’t cross my mind, minus the few photos I came across of my exes in my main album that I made sure were gone. Had I remembered I would’ve had the hidden folder photos deleted too.. Mind you I have 56,000 photos and 600 videos on my phone so it’s not something I thought about .. He’s constantly insecure and I’ve been doing everything to not make him not feel that way in our relationship , it feels like this ruined the process. Now, he’s being very cold to me. After talking about it, he initiated sex too and I did it. I don’t know if it was because of his insecurity, or because he felt close to me again or because he wanted to feel some type of ownership after seeing me with others… I don’t know if we’re going to break up. What do I do?
TLDR: My boyfriend went through my phone while I was sleeping, saw sexual content of me and different men from last year in the folder. Now hes treating me differently. How do I fix it?
thatoneguyfrom310 t1_iydvmwy wrote
If you're dating someone for the last 5 months, why the fuck would you have a folder like that in your phone ? You made him feel a lot more insecure now that he knows you have sexual stuff of yourself and other men in your phone.. You're not the brightest