Submitted by shiftenterspace t3_z93w8m in relationship_advice
My boyfriend (25M) and I (28F) have been in a relationship for 2.5 years (known eachother since 3 years when we started dating). We get along really well and we both feel as though we are eachother’s soulmates. We both are very much still into eachother, mentally and physically, our intimate relationship is great.
In September, my boyfriend went home to the east coast to visit his family for about 2 weeks. He went out with his friends, who are single, and got really drunk and flirted with some women. He called me drunk and told me what he did and kept telling me that he missed me and wished I was there. I told him I had to go and couldn’t talk because I was in the middle of something and he kept calling and texting me how much he loved and missed me. Then texted me “tbh acting single isn’t for me”. When we talked the next day, he didn’t remember anything he said when he called me but said that he felt like sometimes he wants to be single and liked the feeling of being free and being able to do what he wants (aka talk to other women). He suggested an open relationship because he said he knows he wants to be with me and he’s never had a doubt about that, but feels like he is too young to give up having sex with multiple people. He said he needed time to think everything through so I gave him time to figure it out.
After about 2-3 weeks of him thinking and also our schedules were hectic so didn’t find time to sit and talk about this specifically, we talked and he ultimately decided that it was a fleeting feeling and he was high from the attention he received and that he wants to be with me only and that he values our relationship over anything else. So we moved forward but after Halloween, we got into an argument and he brought it up again that when we go out to the clubs, he gets the feeling that he wants to have sex with other women and talk to them and maybe he hasn’t gotten it out of his system.
Part of me understands where he is coming from and I get that men especially have this idea that they need to live it up now before settling down. I’ve also thought about how I wish I had the opportunity to casually date more people before meeting him. But ultimately now that I’ve met him and our connection is so great, I wouldn’t imagine wanting to leave to go date other people because I feel as though I’ve met my person.
He suggested a break but I’ve always been told that breaks are pointless and that he just wants to be able to have sex with other people and come back to me. He said he is really conflicted and needs to do some soul searching but knows that he doesn’t want to break up and doesn’t want to lose me. Has anyone been in this situation and have any advice on how to handle it? Should I break up with him and never look back? It’s hard leaving someone when the relationship was great and we’re best friends. But I’m wondering if this feeling he is having will ever go away if he doesn’t go explore that.. Not sure how to handle it.
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