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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyevjh4 wrote

Reply to comment by [deleted] in Wife (32) and I (32) are very different when it comes to how we deal with anger, stress and disappointment. I am slowly starting to lose the ability to accept how she deals with it by [deleted]

You seem aversive to the term toxic. I can say what she is doing is "hurtful" and "unproductive" instead then?

That's great your relationship is otherwise good, but you want to fix this specific thing.

Counseling provides tools for couples to be stronger. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with the relationship or is a last ditch attempt. Even some healthy couples I know go to counseling once in awhile to make sure everything is going well.

Check out this article at least if you want to work on it on your own: https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/the-four-horsemen-toxic-communication-styles-and-how-to-rein-them-in/

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[deleted] OP t1_iyevw9u wrote

[deleted]

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyewzyf wrote

I'm glad! If you are worried she may not be receptive, you can phrase it as getting more tools to help your relationship and each other as you are both going through a stressful time.

If you can't afford it, read up on how to request changes in a relationship. A good statement to use when she is in a good mood is this: "I want to talk about what happened the other day. I understand that you were upset that there were shards on the carpet, and I feel horrible for that. I will be more careful next time. However, I also felt sad and scared when you didn't respond to me out of your anger. I would like us both to still be there and present with each other even when we are angry. It is called stonewalling. Can we read about it and talk ideas on how we can do that?"

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