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__WanderLust_ t1_iyf2t0p wrote

Get a hold of adult protective services in your state/province. You'll probably get help there to be able to file a police report on your sister.

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Firm-Host1799 t1_iyf6m6u wrote

She’s currently the only one helping him so I do t want to do that

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__WanderLust_ t1_iyf8x49 wrote

But she's not helping him? And stealing from him? And neglecting him?

Can he move where you are instead of you going to him?

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Firm-Host1799 t1_iyf9vsp wrote

He can’t really walk at all. He’s too disabled to move all the way across the Country to the most expensive place to live in the US as well. I may have to make that decision soon on moving back. Thanks for your comments

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retsky_ t1_iyf329d wrote

I would drop everything and go back home if I were in your shoes. Your sister should not be in charge of anything for him.

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Firm-Host1799 t1_iyf6tsd wrote

I think I need to. It’s hard finally having the career of my dreams in the city I dreamed of being in. I got here a year ago and that would be ideal, just really hard to deal with. and if I move home, I’m not sure how to start over

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Shibui50 t1_iyf37a7 wrote

Somebody is going to be assigned as a care-giver if your father is demonstrated to be

incompetent regarding his Affairs of Daily Living (ADL-s). Your question is whether you

want to keep this in the family or not. Simple as that.

If you want to keep it in the family you need to identify a responsible person to do this.

If you Don't, or can't, keep it in the family, the authorities will identify someone if you

don't have anybody in mind. This is not rocket science and the authorities can be

a handful if you try to just squeak-by about this.

If your father is a Military Veteran you CAN work with the VA to address matters.

Of course, if he is going to be a dick and want to drink and smoke that is

something that will need to be addressed.

One other thing. Your father is 72? He's well into the age-range for dementia, given that

he both drinks and smokes. The fact that he fell and has no memory of it is Not a

good sign. If you are going to do something it needs to be sooner rather than later.

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Firm-Host1799 t1_iyf7g1l wrote

Yes they have offered that in the home, it’s 1800 dollars extra a month which is included in the price of the facility, but that service still doesn’t offer help with med taking, I’m looking into memory care services and then they’ll help him. Sister is the only one “care-giver” just now realizing she isn’t doing it. We are working with the VA but it will take at least 3 months and they’re going to pay about half of the home care cost. He is going to doctors for all the visits he needs. she just misses his appts all the time because she won’t take him most of the time. I think I need to move back :(

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Shibui50 t1_iyf83jr wrote

Trust me. I know how this song goes.

Been there. Done that. Have the t-shirt.

There IS one thing.

Years from now, when you look back and realize you were a stand-up guy and

did the right thing....even if its for someone who didn't want it

or couldn't appreciate it. You won't believe how much easier it is to live with

yourself than if you hadn't. Best of Luck.

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ForbiddenFruitiness t1_iyf9r39 wrote

Is there a care home near your location where he could go? We transferred my grandmother over to where my parents and I live, after my aunt’s accounts of what she was doing vs what the care home staff had to tell, didn’t match up. It is a lot of work, despite the care home, and we were in and out pretty much every day, but it is so, so worth it, when you realise the loved one is feeling better.

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