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I have been to one male “strip club” since we’ve dated. But it was for a bachelorette party and the men weren’t naked or anything. I didn’t get a lap dance or anything either.

It was his birthday and because it was never discussed...you should let it go but definitely have a long conversation and set boundaries

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You said in another post you went to a male strip club .

Did your BF get a lap dance? What happened?

Do you not allow him to see tv or movies alone that has nude women? If he never touched them and was just hanging with his friends and you have too been to a strip club it seems kind of hypocritical

Did you ask him how he felt about it before you went?

first off, since you never had a conversation about it i think you need to do so now.

you do understand that he doesnt have to go to a strip club to cheat, that can happen anyway anywhere. you either trust him or dont.

my husband has gone to a few over the years for bachelor parties, i do not have any issues with it because i trust him. if it isnt often or habit, no big deal for me. i am secure enough to realize this isnt what makes a man cheat.

not all women feel like this i understand that, but you have never discussed it so i think there needs to be some level of forgiveness here.

No because he had just went to a bachelor party where they had strippers come to their house. So I didn’t think I had to ask.

Sounds like you are a pain in the ass type of girlfriend, that always likes to control everything, you display low value, and insecurities, trust issues and all, god lord have mercy your boyfriend

So you weren’t bothered by that party, but you’re bothered by him going to the strip club?

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Well kind of, what was he supposed to do? Not go to the bachelor party? Also, this was like a month into our relationship and he didn’t even tell me about it. I heard through other people that there were strippers there

Get through what?

Are you angry that he failed to read your mind? Angry that he assumed that, since you’ve gone to male strip clubs and he’s been at parties with strippers before and you never said anything about not wanting him to go to strip clubs… that he did not magically intuit that you would be enraged over what sounds like a silly outing with the guys?

You sound controlling, high maintenance, and a bit toxic to be honest.

I’d say maybe excuse it this one time because he didn’t know how you felt about him going to a strip club. Be very honest with him and depending on his reaction and also if he does this again, knowing how you feel, let him go

I understand he can’t read my mind. The issue is I think that we had originally planned for us to go out for a nice dinner that night to celebrate his birthday. But then his friend invited him out and he decided he wanted to go hangout with them instead. I just feel upset that he would rather go to a strip club than celebrate with me

I view strip clubs in the same way as I do looking at porn: sure, none of us love the idea of our partners doing it but it’s just a fantasy and not cheating at all. These girls are literally being paid to stand around and dance naked while men pay to stare at them. It’s purely a transactional thing and no one is going to fuck anyone. I mean, there are places where you can pay extra for that kind of stuff but for the most part it’s just voyeurism.

Of course, you are entitled to your feelings but given that you have never discussed it and therefore never established it as a boundary, I don’t think you can really be too upset here. Especially since it’s his birthday and he was dragged there by his friends. He also didn’t try to lie his way out of it, which is a good thing.

If you want to establish it as a boundary, now is the time to do so but there’s no point in holding a grudge over something which already happened.

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It’s his birthday you can always do something together on a different night.

Yeah, sorry but you have no right to be pissed. You haven’t given him any reason to believe you have a problem with strip clubs or strippers. You’ve gone to them and not said anything when he went in the past. That said, it’s a definite red flag that he was cheating on his girlfriend when he got together with you.

Thank you, I appreciate the advice. I am trying to be understanding. I just have never really dealt with this before and my first reaction was to get upset. I don’t even mind he watches porn. I think it’s just hard for me to imagine him getting a lap dance and it makes me jealous.

Good eye. Plus it’s his Birthday. Like if all he did was go and didn’t even do anything who cares. I’ve been one time and that shit is lame anyway

He was honest with you and you hadn't previously discussed it. You get through this by having a non-judgmental discussion with him about you wanting a heads up before any strip clubs are involved. And also that you had really wanted to celebrate with just the two of you.

You are right - if you are super pissed, mostly keep it to yourself. Not because it is his birthday, but because he isn't a mind reader, and he kept his location tracking on and told you instantly via text.

I think it’s time to hire a PI

Sounds ridiculous right?

Do you trust him? Do you have insecure past trauma? Does he give you reasons to not trust him?

Everyone goes through this kind of situation. Just talk to him. Communication is how people stay together. Talk to him about your needs and what you don’t approve of and reciprocate what he feels isn’t okay.

For example I just saw a post about someone having a gf setting co workers and asking how to get her to stop……

So you’ve been to a male strip club while in the relationship but are upset he went to a female one? And you’re stalking his location throughout the evening to see where he’s at? C’mon….break up with him for his sake. This relationship isn’t built on the foundation of trust.

Its wild to me that you checked his location so quickly, It almost seems like he didnt know what his friends had planned until they told him.

Where you upset that he didnt spend his birthday with you and thus decided to spend your evening stalking him? Interesting relationship.