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Adequately_good t1_iyf4leu wrote

Reply to comment by [deleted] in Is the guy I’m dating pulling the wool over my eyes, or is he genuine? by [deleted]

Interesting question, and probably a confusing answer! I had a single mentality but was “casual” with someone I was massively falling for. I could have slept with or dated whoever I wanted during that time, I just didn’t because the perfect woman was already in my life. I had my barriers up as I’d had my life turned upside down in past breakups. I had just gotten to the stage in my life where I was content and in control I.e. job, house, cat, friends. I was scared to make it official because that label comes with obligations, expectations and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyf6osg wrote

He explained it the exact same way you did. It’s comforting to hear this come from someone else as well.

Is there anything she did in the time you were dating without a label, that made you want to put the label on things? Or did the urge to table it naturally come?

I’m asking because I want to know if there’s anything I can say or do that will help him put his guard down, other than just giving him the time he needs and continuing to see him.

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Adequately_good t1_iyf9joy wrote

She was just, herself. I knew she was great from the start but the feelings and trust built up over time. We very rarely spoke about our labels and what the rules were. I remember once she tried to talk about us when I wasn’t quite ready, I changed the subject and she didn’t push any further. I had my own internal anxieties about getting into another, possibly life changing, relationship and she did very well to not add to that. The label came after we spent a whole week with each other around Christmas (last Christmas) and it was just obvious this was for real.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyfaqgi wrote

Love that! A true rom com story. Well I wish you two the best and thank you so much again for sharing your story.

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Adequately_good t1_iyfbj6q wrote

No worries! If it feels right with your bf and he’s giving you all the signs and love languages then don’t worry about the label, he may surprise you in a month or 2! If he starts pulling away and there are no signs of progression then you need to consider your own happiness. Good luck!

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