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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyexyvj wrote

It's a bit weird having an extra step between committed and that label.

Asks what he means and the difference between the two. It's just a label. Does he not want to introduce you to hide family until you are officially boyfriend/girlfriend? If his friends ask him about you, what will he refer to you as?

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[deleted] OP t1_iyey7e8 wrote

My thoughts exactly.. although he already told his family about me, and I think he says “My girl” but not girlfriend

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iyez4rx wrote

He may just be hung up on that term. Ask him what's the difference between "my girl" and "girlfriend".

Sidenote, I'm not a fan of my girl, sounds possessive and even stronger than girlfriend tbh.

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Adequately_good t1_iyf195f wrote

I understand where he’s coming from. Me and my gf took things very slowly, we knew within a few weeks we were exclusive (no obligation just by choice), admitted we were something more at 5 months, then official around the 7 month mark. Her reason for the slow pace was that her previous relationship was toxic and she was still healing when we met. My reason was that I was enjoying being single and didn’t see myself settling with anyone. We were both incredibly cautious and it worked out for the better... so I guess what I am saying people can take a long time to adjust, it may not necessarily be a bad thing as long as he is being honest.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyf2lj5 wrote

Thank you for sharing your story! I just have one question - you said your reason for not labeling the relationship right away is because you “enjoyed being single and didn’t see yourself settling with anyone”.

Weren’t you technically not single if you were exclusive? And you were settling down with her, even though it was verbally unsaid? I’m just having a hard time understanding that piece. Thanks so much!

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Adequately_good t1_iyf4leu wrote

Interesting question, and probably a confusing answer! I had a single mentality but was “casual” with someone I was massively falling for. I could have slept with or dated whoever I wanted during that time, I just didn’t because the perfect woman was already in my life. I had my barriers up as I’d had my life turned upside down in past breakups. I had just gotten to the stage in my life where I was content and in control I.e. job, house, cat, friends. I was scared to make it official because that label comes with obligations, expectations and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyf6osg wrote

He explained it the exact same way you did. It’s comforting to hear this come from someone else as well.

Is there anything she did in the time you were dating without a label, that made you want to put the label on things? Or did the urge to table it naturally come?

I’m asking because I want to know if there’s anything I can say or do that will help him put his guard down, other than just giving him the time he needs and continuing to see him.

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Adequately_good t1_iyf9joy wrote

She was just, herself. I knew she was great from the start but the feelings and trust built up over time. We very rarely spoke about our labels and what the rules were. I remember once she tried to talk about us when I wasn’t quite ready, I changed the subject and she didn’t push any further. I had my own internal anxieties about getting into another, possibly life changing, relationship and she did very well to not add to that. The label came after we spent a whole week with each other around Christmas (last Christmas) and it was just obvious this was for real.

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[deleted] OP t1_iyfaqgi wrote

Love that! A true rom com story. Well I wish you two the best and thank you so much again for sharing your story.

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Adequately_good t1_iyfbj6q wrote

No worries! If it feels right with your bf and he’s giving you all the signs and love languages then don’t worry about the label, he may surprise you in a month or 2! If he starts pulling away and there are no signs of progression then you need to consider your own happiness. Good luck!

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redditavenger2019 t1_iyeycu1 wrote

I would think if you are exclusive, you are bf/gf

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[deleted] OP t1_iyeygcl wrote

I would think that too.. but he says he’s not ready to be bf/gf yet

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