My(26m) gf (26f) has a tinder friend

Submitted by perpetually_touring t3_z968cb in relationship_advice

TLDR: gf has a tinder friend, they used to go do group activities. She met with him for drinks alone at a bar. Is this being too sensitive ?

So my gf of 4 months has this friend, lets say Jyke. She used to go to hikes with him and a few other friends until now. Very occasionally, once every 2 week or something.

Recently, she mentioned that she is meeting up with him for a drink to catch up. Texts me that she is tired at 5:30, waiting for him to arrive. "Will leave soon, should be a short meet. Cause tired.". At 6:30 she says I should be out in a few minutes. And then she finally leaves at around 7:30 I reckon. She shared all these leaving estimates without me asking. But they seem to irk me, cause she didnt have to say she was leaving soon if she didnt intend to.

The next day his name comes up and I try to ask what he does etc, and apparently they have no other connection, apart from that they met on tinder when she was dating and it didnt work out romantically (she met me on hinge). She also adds a lot of "hahas" over the text. Maybe nervous cause of me asking, idk. Says he's like a lil brother (he's 23 yo).

I do have trust issues, cause I got cheated on in the past etc etc. The dude my ex (3 years ago) cheated on was also her "like a brother" (go figure). I am concerned by all of this, but havent let on to her how much. Mostly concerned about them meeting alone without other people present, and having met on tinder (but now friends). And somewhat about her saying "she's gonna leave soon", umprompted, and then staying at the bar with him for like 2.5 hours.

It's probably just me being anxious and possessive, and I'll talk to her about it. But looking for opinions as to how much of a right I have to be concerned about this. It is her life, she should be free to do whatever she likes. But this seems more of a date than just a meetup.

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Redd_81 t1_iyf9oag wrote

Ah yes, the 'friend' she met on Tinder... 🙄

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AscendedKin t1_iyf78xr wrote

He is just a friend OP............Come on now man.

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Domguyps5 t1_iyfbu6a wrote

Tinder friend nuff said

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jesuschin t1_iyfdkdm wrote

If you're concerned then you're concerned. There's no "she should be free to do whatever she likes". That's not what a relationship is. The only people who tell you that are shady people who can't be trusted.

You are not a hostage here. You can end a relationship for any reason. You can be unhappy about the way she chews her food and ask her to change it to stop annoying you. You don't have to be afraid to voice your displeasure about something.

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mysteric-xo t1_iyf7fvs wrote

Like why did you pick the name Jyke..

Anyway, I think you should meet him and see what their dynamic is like. Its really hard to give a definite answer without knowing any information about them. Also how long did it take them after meeting to decide to be just friends?

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perpetually_touring OP t1_iyf8hig wrote

I'm really bad with remembering and naming names haha.

Right, that sounds logical. I didn't ask a lot about him yet, at the risk of sounding too inquisitive. Will ask this tonight

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sw0ff t1_iyfd9e7 wrote

Updateme!

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Gosc101 t1_iyf9p4x wrote

So, first talk to your girlfriend. The fact that you have talked to us first is worrying. I don't mean argue with her, but tell her your insecuirities and the reason you have them.

With that said she has done nothing to warrant suspicion. Yes she has stayed longer then she has initially told you, I have done that many times with my friends. Thing is she didn't have any appointment to meet with, you didn't even ask her when will she come back. If you do make plans and they get compromised because of Jyke, then you can be upset.

>she should be free to do whatever she likes. But this seems more of a date than just a meetup.

No, if she wants to be in relationship she isn't free to do whatever she likes. However this wasn't exactly a date, 2 hours of talking and drinking isn't necessarily a date. If she is contacting him constantly or spending with him similar amount of time as with you, then will be time to be concerned. The same with your plans, if you can't make proper plans to do things with her, because she is doing things with him so often, then you can be worried. Nothing of what I have mentioned is present here from what I see in your post.

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perpetually_touring OP t1_iyfb4r7 wrote

Thanks, I get most of what you've said. The point about their relationship affecting ours makes some sense and is an interesting viewpoint I hadnt considered before. Thats not something that has happened from what I can remember.

Didn't mean "whatever she likes" but whatever is reasonable. Like this situation probably is.

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