Submitted by [deleted] t3_z93gpr in relationship_advice
I (33F) just discovered the term stealthing after it happened to me. A guy (30M) I’d been seeing for a few weeks and I decided to have sex. We had done so once before where I asked him to use a condom and he never finished that time (I now guess because of the condom). This previous time I again asked him to put on a condom. When he flipped me over for doggy, he took the condom off. I did not realize until he came on my back. I was in shock in the moment and didn’t really get mad, but just asked him if he was STD free, when the last time he got tested was, and if he’s sure he pulled out in time.
This guy had been 100% perfect until this. Always a gentleman in every way - walking me everywhere, waiting up to make sure I get home ok even though I’m an hour drive away, never lying and just telling me what I wanted ti hear when I asked him hard questions (l asked him if he was looking for anything serious and he said he doesn’t know; I feel like a lot of guys have told me yes before when they actually weren’t just to get in my pants), etc.
Is this one stealthing incident a dealbreaker? Or am I being too harsh? I mean, it had never happened to me before, but I’m not gonna lie, it’s not a great feeling - I feel like I made a decision to want to have safe sex and he took that decision making power away from me by doing sex the way he wanted and not what I wanted
nothingclever4now t1_iyetrw6 wrote
He violated your consent and put you at risk for STDs and pregnancy. That would be a deal breaker for me. That's a really big violation. Truly.