My (27M) wife (26F) denies almost everything that I ask her to do.

Submitted by Standard_Buffalo7762 t3_z8qd8c in relationship_advice

I (27M) and my wife (26F) have been married for 5 years now. And in these 5 years, almost everything that I ask of her to do, gets denied or ignored. Clarification, I do not ask her about the chores or any other housework as we have maids, but once in a while I ask her to make me something of her own hand, but she refuses. And what's more, we haven't slept together even once. She refuses to sleep together and sometimes calls me "Desperate" or "Thirsty" which makes me sad and also sometimes angry. I always get her things that she wants and if I don't, she returns to her parents' home and doesn't come home unless I go to get her back with a gift. I'm getting really frustrated now and have even discussed with my parents about this and I told them that i was thinking of leaving her but they told me to be patient and the "bigger" person. How should I go about doing things? I do not want to resort to divorce but it's seeming to be an inevitable outcome. Please help. TLDR, I'm getting frustrated of my wife's actions and do not want to resort to divorce but it's seeming inevitable.

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Murky_Anxiety4884 t1_iycsc5s wrote

As long as she is able to control you, nothing will change. Deny her a few things. If she follows through on her threats, it will definitely mean that the marriage should end.

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Aggravating-Pear9760 t1_iycouob wrote

Was this an arranged marriage?

It seems neither of you is compatible and she didn't want to be in this marriage.

Seek couples counseling or get a divorce.

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Standard_Buffalo7762 OP t1_iycqsyy wrote

We met on campus and were on talking terms, and then she brought up the topic of marriage and asked me, I accepted as thinking it was an easier way of finding a partner.

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undercovertortoise t1_iycrc13 wrote

Is arranged marriage normal in your culture? It is in mine, l was never taught the implications of marriage, just told that it was a necessity. If she never had a relationship and has grown up under a culture where dating and talking about intimacy is taboo she probably doesn't even understand the concept of marriage/a relationship properly

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Standard_Buffalo7762 OP t1_iycrt1v wrote

I would say that arranged marriage is normal in our culture. Before we married, she told me about her 2 ex boyfriends, so I don't think that she wouldn't know about relationships. I've yet to talk to her parents about this, do you think I should ?

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undercovertortoise t1_iye7v63 wrote

It's entirely possible for her to be inexperienced even if she had ex boyfriends either way though, talking to her parents is not very helpful, you should sit down and have a conversation with her and ask her kindly about why she refuses to be close to you and express how you have been feeling. She either 1) has been in relationships without being physical at all and does not know how close people are because in my culture I have never seen parents be affectionate with one another, 2) may have married you for material reason only. 3) maybe do some introspection, are you treating her well? If you are yelling at her or anything of that sort she may feel resentful

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Standard_Buffalo7762 OP t1_iyea61r wrote

I don't remember the last time I ever rose my voice in my home or anywhere. I have a firm grasp over my emotions. I really don't want to leave her, I really care about her, that's why I keep doing everything she asks for.

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Aggravating-Pear9760 t1_iycu6ol wrote

Unfortunately you're thinking was very naive and no wonder this relationship is failing. You married someone you didn't even know (which under some circumstances can work with negotiations and good match making) but this sounds like a marriage of convenience or a rush but not love or even any other stable benefit. There was no foundation. There most likely is absolutely no sexual or romantic attraction here.

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Aggravating-Pear9760 t1_iyculmt wrote

Everyone on here bashing her and yes she is being difficult but take into account that they never dated or even had a relationship prior to the marriage. They don't even know each other as people let alone how to interact, live together or be married. This whole thing was a terrible way to start a relationship.

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name_doesnt_mater t1_iycp0hw wrote

Sounds like "she" problem, I would leave. She does NOTHING to make you feel loved, seems like she just likes sucking the money from you

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GroundbreakingBet281 t1_iycpgmx wrote

It doesn't even sound like marriage, it sounds more like you have a new daughter. She doesn't get what she wants, so she throws a fit and goes to her other parents house until you give in and buy her a present, You're not sleeping together ever and she has no interest in doing anything for you at all. What your parents are asking you to do is not to be the bigger person, it's to be her new dad and just roll over and be her bitch.

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Standard_Buffalo7762 OP t1_iycs0h3 wrote

We met on campus and were on talking terms, and then she brought up the topic of marriage and asked me, I accepted as thinking it was an easier way of finding a partner. Never thought she would turn out like this. Well I guess it's also my fault for not actually thinking it through

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