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Quick question first, why did you download Tinder to begin with?

You’re both awful people just stay together tho because you’ll only hurt someone else more if you ever get in a relationship again

You guys are both toxic. He obviously wasn’t ready for a relationship and you after what he did started to explore other options. Be single or be fwb you guys will never fully trust each other cause you guys don’t want be alone but also aren’t trying to only be with each other.

Why do you both want to work this out is my first question? You now both have trust issues. So why is this worth it to both of you? If you both really loved each other you wouldn't have felt need to go outside of the relationship for validation or you wouldn't have felt a need to get revenge on him.

It isn't just you being very honest with him it is him being honest with you. Generally I would view what you have as a toxic relationship and it is only 1 year long.

We know it’s toxic but we both started going to therapy we want to be better for each other

I think i still felt resentment from when he did it to me.. i never really got over his betrayals

You’re both toxic. Just breakup. You’re clearly not going to get over the resentment and trying to get back at him just makes everything worse.

So what sort of action items or lists have you developed to ease each other's fears and keep communication open? Therapy is great and if resources would be available everyone should have someone permanently available, but it is only 1 step forward.

If you and your partner can't get over the required openness that will be needed for a LONG TIME then it will be very tough.

You’re in therapy. Together? What does the therapist say?

That whole tit for tat thing just doesn’t work in relationships. You’ve been together for a year and you’ve each cheated. What will keep each of you from doing that again the next time you’re feeling hurt, lonely, betrayed.

My advice for longevity……always turn toward each other. Even when it sucks to do so. Always turn toward each other.

He has complete access to my phone and my laptop and I’m willing to do anything he asks of me i truly do regret hurting him like this. We’re thinking of couples therapy too

Not together we have our individual sessions

I truly did want only him. But i never felt enough for him. His betrayal includes hooking up with another girl while telling me i could trust him. I wanted to wait for marriage but he told me i could trust him. So i did and i regretted it so much when i found out he was just using me. But i believe he changed and was truly in love with me but i just couldn’t convince myself of that

You said it all yourself don’t be blind to your own truth… or stay and roll the dice just don’t be surprised if it happens again or you cheat either way someone is gonna get hurt it sucks but you guys are so young Jesus plenty of fish in the sea out there it won’t be the end of the world if you guys don’t work out.

I would never cheat again i feel like such a disgusting piece of shit i never want to hurt someone like this again 😔 i’d end things before ie ever cheated again

Why did you download tinder then ? I don’t think anyone that cheated ever wanted to cheat it’s just something that happens after time. Btw I’m not doing this to bring you down just to show you maybe you guys aren’t meant for each other right now. Maybe at some other point in your lives. But definitely not right now.

This is a common problem faced by young couples. So you are not toxic. You just wanted to get payback. You have both cheated. Now that there is sufficient payback are both of you willing to work on it?

Trust, loyalty and fidelity are important if you want to move forward. I myself when I was your age went into nuclear revenge mode. It was a drawn out relationship that should have ended way sooner!

It is not about you earning his trust but both of you earning the trust.

What can you do?

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I second this, people who cheat don’t deserve happiness… this is coming from someone who’s been cheated on countless times after busting my balls trying to keep them All who ended up cheating happy. Stay together. Please.

Aw I think it’s cute that you both suck, it’s like a match made in hell.

Seriously tho, you keep bringing up what he did to you and trying to justify your actions because he did it first. But you completely lose the right to revenge and anger over it when you chose to continue your relationship. He did wrong, and you could’ve left, but you didn’t. You can’t move on from his actions or put the past behind you but you can use it to justify you getting even with him??? Yikes.

Then you should’ve left.

I’m not justifying anything i know i fucked up I’m just explaining why i did what i did.. and why would I lose my right to anger? That’s honestly so stupid. My therapist tells me I’m justified in feeling that way. Yes i chose to stay with him but that doesn’t mean it erases everything

I tried but i believe in second chances because we’re all human and no one’s perfect and people can change. And i tried therapy to help me get over my resentment but obviously I’m not completely healed yet

I’m sorry that happened to you but once a cheater always a cheater isn’t applicable to everyone. There are tons of people out there who fucked up once and never did it again

No. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don’t change the rules to make yourself feel better. Can’t turn a hoe into a wife. That’s branded in you now.

Lmfao ok people can’t go to therapy and better themselves they’ll always be defined by their mistakes lol

Oh, so it takes therapy to know what you’re doing is wrong now. So I guess cheating THEN going to the therapy makes it all better. Gtfo, your boyfriend at the very least deserves to speak to a hot girl on a dating app to see if the grass is greener. As you did to him.

No wtf? Sorry some of us make mistakes and we can’t all be perfect like you.. but if someone regrets their mistake it still means nothing?

I’m not justifying what i did i fucked up real bad and i feel so much remorse and I would never wanna put someone through that pain again. But i was seriously hurt too. My trust was broken by him and he made me insecure. We both fucked up and hurt each other. I don’t understand why you’re attacking me? I just wanted some advice

So he cheated and you stayed because you believe in second chances. Then you said “forget the second chance” I’m gonna cheat on him, instead of just leaving him to find someone else?

Yall are both trippin - so yeah have fun being toxic 🙄