My boyfriend doesn’t know boundaries- should I leave?

Submitted by Moneybagk t3_z8vqbr in relationship_advice

So like a month ago, my boyfriend cheated on me (not physically) but messaging girls and I found out. We talked it out and I stayed because he didn’t physically touched anyone. I’ve had issues with how overly nice he is to other women. Which is perfectly fine but not when I’m still trying to get over the whole cheating thing. We went out to the bar the other day and I gave him $2 to put on a song and he went to the music thing and there was a girl next to it and he asked her what song she wanted on! The only reason I’m upset is because he proceeded to tell me the whole night that the song he put on is because I “told him” I loved that song and never in a million years would I like that song and I know the girl too and I know it was a song she would like. He kept telling me he put it on because he thought I told him I loved it. Later on yesterday he admitted he asked her for a song suggestion. It’s bothering me because he used my money to ask another girl what song she wanted on. Please someone tell me what I should do.

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triaxisman t1_iydik19 wrote

> I gave him $2 to put on a song and he went to the music thing and there was a girl next to it and he asked her what song she wanted on!

This is all you need to know, he can’t keep his word, he’s worried about impressing a random chick then making his gf happy. And tries to get away with it by lying and gaslighting you. Nope, nope, and nope. Leave this man. He is fundamentally broken and even if he was willing to fix it, it would take years of therapy. Do not waste one more second of your youth on this ass hat of a boy.

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Moneybagk OP t1_iydjaga wrote

Yeah that’s what I thought. Thank you for the advice. I always wonder why he likes to impress other women so much but not me. We’ve been together for almost 2 years so I really needed this. Thank you.

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triaxisman t1_iydkqvb wrote

One reason it happens is if he’s a really bad people pleasers and fears being disliked. So he’ll try to make everyone like them, and if he can’t he’ll prioritize the people he doesn’t know as he doesn’t know if they’ll forgive him but he does know the people he’s close to will. Basically he takes advantage of the people close to him, in order to make sure everyone likes him, but in the end, he’ll lose close friends as that gets old fast. If that’s his issue, it can take years of therapy to figure it out, find solutions and develop better behaviors, if it’s possible to fix at all. So the sooner you jump ship, the better.

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Moneybagk OP t1_iydlkgh wrote

Well 2 years of this and this isn’t the first time I’ve seen him act like this in front of me with other women. So I can’t imagine what he does when he’s just with his friends at the bar. He always brings me with but then does that and idk why. I’ve brought it up to him many times. He bought me flowers 2x to try to make up for cheating on me but doesn’t act differently. And hasn’t changed since to try to work on it. He’s manipulative in the way that he does things that make me happy but then manipulated me when he does bad things. It’s a very hard situation for me to be in right now.

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jescobars t1_iydjsez wrote

He already massively disrespected you by messaging other girls, and now he continues to display disrespectful behaviours by prioritising flirting with other random women over your needs and feelings?

Girl, put that man in the bin. He ain’t gonna change.

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Moneybagk OP t1_iydkbuc wrote

Thank you! It’s the fact that he did it right in front of me and then acted like he didn’t just ask her. I should have known he was gonna do this. Thank you.

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blazingdonut2769 t1_iydpsyw wrote

So he’s shown you that he is a liar and he will continue to lie. How can you stay with someone you can’t trust?

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Moneybagk OP t1_iydqdx8 wrote

You’re right I don’t trust him at all. And he isn’t willing to change that even slightly to help me feel reassured. Thank you!

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