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Tight-Cut-4606 OP t1_j2dcys1 wrote

Reply to comment by themanfromUNCLE100 in [40m] [35f] we are 2 people in a monogamous marraige. his fettish is killing the marraige. by Tight-Cut-4606

My problem is, even if he does "give up" the fantasy how can I trust him? The fact he discussed with his friend behind my back to sleep with me in detail makes me sick. The fact that his friend has "relieved himself" over me while I was working in the same office as thus friend and it all went on behind my back makes me sick.

I just want to know if there's even a chance to trust him after this.

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themanfromUNCLE100 t1_j2ddfo3 wrote

Listen to your gut. If this's a deal breaker then get out rn. No doubt that's a disgusting behavior on his part talking sexually about his spouse with his friend behind their back. Most women in your position would leave the relationship. Real talk it'd be extremely difficult to trust him after this. There's likely chance he might talk about you to his friends.. this time in secret.

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AvalancheReturns t1_j2dhr1p wrote

Dont you allready know the answer to that question?

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Tight-Cut-4606 OP t1_j2di5c3 wrote

I dont think it will ever be 100% trust. Is this enough to leave a marraige I don't know

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Eh111986 t1_j2dkaa1 wrote

If he ever willing to respect your privacy and marriage he should get rid of the fantasy he have , by doing this he’s ruining the marriage .

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SharralandaAndDennis t1_j2eokpy wrote

I personally believe you should trust your spouse 100%. That is enough to leave a marriage. If you don't believe you have to trust your partner 100% then you don't have to leave. This all depends on what you are comfortable with and how that affects your safety and happiness.

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Own-Writing-3687 t1_j2elz3q wrote

It's his job to rebuild trust. You can't help him. Time alone can't. And he can't just say "trust me".

To motivate him he needs to believe you are willing to divorce rather than tolerate his behavior.

Talk to an attorney. The first hour is typically free. It sends a message that you're serious.

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Own-Writing-3687 t1_j2elm11 wrote

He needs consequences. To start, zero contact with his friend. Btw: no real friend would offer or agree to participate in behavior that will stress and/or destroy your marriage bond.

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ccl-now t1_j2eyugw wrote

Only you can know the answer to that and I think you already do. When someone lies to you the one thing you learn is that they're happy to lie to you. Maybe some people can, but I couldn't come back from that.

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