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Realistic-Airport775 t1_j2e4kpr wrote

So um, does your husband have any pictures of you that you would not want shared with others? Because I am getting the vibe that he has done just that with his "friend".

Another thought I had is that he clearly has a strong urge to do this and if you stay with him then he won't be fulfilling this fantasy he has, so if you leave you will be setting him free to explore his needs. That could be one approach to your situation. That you don't want to hold him back from what he desires. Since you don't want to sleep with anyone but him then you will never be able to fulfill his fantasy.

The other side is that he has no respect for you and that you have already said no, that also is very concerning that he has continue to pressure you. Now he is back pedaling a lot so there is at least some consideration that he knows you are not interested.

I am concerned as to why you wanted to see how far he would go, what was your goal here?

You seem to be a silent partner in interactions with him, not wishing to spoil the vibe, but isn't he spoiling it for you? Is it fair on him to not communicate that you are not interested immediately? What are you worried he will do if you just say no? I am not interested? Does he go off and sulk?

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Tight-Cut-4606 OP t1_j2e5iup wrote

He did have pictures and this has crossed my mind. He has said he deleted them but again I don't believe him. I wanted to see how far he would go because as much as he would say its just talk I wanted to see if he would do it for real and if he has discussed this with others. In my head it was a deal breaker, right now it's a deal breaker, not sure if it's because it just happened or because I am really done. I just feel devastated and dissapointed.

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Realistic-Airport775 t1_j2e72wc wrote

Yes, it feels like your needs and his are not on the same page or even the same book. You have prove that beyond a doubt. Whatever happens please look after yourself and get some support if you have it available.

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Over-Remove t1_j2fppj9 wrote

I assumed she went along with it because he has been actively gaslighting her about how important this is to him. It’s just joking, he’s not serious comments while the frequency of them increases and the context of when and where they happen. So while she took him at his word he lied to her but she had a gut feeling it’s more than a joke. So she pretended to be ok just to see the real him. That’s my interpretation. Op can correct me if I am wrong.

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Realistic-Airport775 t1_j2fq6bw wrote

Yes it proved he wasn't joking as he went to the effort of arrangements. Proof if you will.

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Over-Remove t1_j2fswr8 wrote

And now she knows she wasn’t crazy either. It’s really fked up to be openly gaslight by your SO. Not a cool feeling at all. You start losing trust in them and yourself.

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