I don't want to alarm you, but he might not stopped with just his friend. Does he subscribe to any Reddit subs? Does he have a username here? I don't advocate for breaching anyones privacy, but he has already stomped on your boundaries and I'd have a look through his phone.

I haven't seen anything prevalant that suggests that if you get turned down for your kink/fantasy that you would turn to something else. In the subs I partake in, most guys that get turned down just fade off into oblivion. Right now, this is like a drug for him, an addiction. And it's skewing his better judgement.

2 completely different fetishes/scenarios. Most guys in this ls have zero interest in being with anyone but their wife. Most couples that live the lifestyle use it as an extension to spice up their sex life, something they can do together(sounds weird I know) . That wouldn't be a huge concern of mine, him getting with someone else.

TMI, but....we do this so my wife can experience and live life and I'm so happy she can and I'm thrilled when she has great experiences. I haven't touched anyone but my wife in 40 years, and I won't. If my wife didn't want to do it or continue to do it, we would be done, no questions asked. Conversley, I think your husband wants you to be his personal porn star. It's all about him, not about you.

There are others in the community with a lot more experience than us that may have more input, but that is my experience. I would minimum have your husband go to counseling with you.