triaxisman t1_j2d1wdj wrote on December 31, 2022 at 9:47 AM

Reply to comment by [deleted] in [26-M][21-F] BF deleting phone history by [deleted]

> If he changed his mind or needed to say yes to avoid conflict, he needed to communicate that. Because he hasn't, that's on him.

Saying it’s on him, how does that show you want to help? If anything that shows you don’t want to help, thus my point. No where have you said you want to help him with communication, you’ve just been blaming and pointing fingers the whole time. Blame is where you want the other person to take responsibility to fix it, helping is where you share that responsibility.

[deleted] OP t1_j2d2a29 wrote on December 31, 2022 at 9:53 AM

... because it is on him for not communicating? If I was hurt that you replied to my comment but never communicated that to you, that's on me for not saying that it would hurt me, right? Same concept. Like if I just randomly replied to you saying "I don't want you to reply to my comment, you don't want to help me, you're pointing fingers" when I've never expressed that I didn't want you to comment before and you didn't know it about that, you'd be blindsided. Because I didn't communicate it. It's unreasonable to assume I know everything he's thinking and feeling. He needs to communicate. I cannot help him without the communication.

triaxisman t1_j2d2nhp wrote on December 31, 2022 at 9:58 AM

Yep it is on him, and that’s all you’ve been saying. Blame blame blame. If you want to help, you’d look for ways to empathize and problem solve. I even gave you ways to empathize that you could use to start to problem solve, but your response to that was to put it all on him instead. You’re in blame mode not help mode.

[deleted] OP t1_j2d310m wrote on December 31, 2022 at 10:03 AM

I am seriously trying to help but like it's literally impossible for me to help if he isn't communicating. If he's out at sea drowning and I'm at home, he can call me and tell me he's drowning. If he doesnt call me and tell me hes drowning, I don't know hes drowning, and it's impossible for me to help. I'm not a mind reader. Apparently you are, but I'm not. I am so willing to help him not drown. But how am I supposed to know he's drowning without that phone call.

triaxisman t1_j2d3ete wrote on December 31, 2022 at 10:08 AM

There’s ways to help, it doesn’t take mind reading, exaggerate much? And if you’re trying to help, what are you doing to help? All you describe is policing his phone, getting upset about it, then complaining about it on Reddit.

[deleted] OP t1_j2d3kia wrote on December 31, 2022 at 10:11 AM

Bc that's all you know, and clearly you don't actually care about helping. That's fine bc you aren't useful at all whatsoever. Be more useful and helpful and proactive in the future ;)