Submitted by ldsgirl2022 t3_zzu7cr in relationship_advice
BeaArt78 t1_j2dkicm wrote
He is barely an adult. Gross. Leave him alone.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dnbif wrote
He won't leave me alone. He wouldn't since the first moment he laid eyes on me. I thought he was too young to be in my life but he sure didn't think he was too young to be in my life. He didn't like when I would write him off like that and worked hard to show me that he is different. He felt it was just a number, but he was very persistent in being in my life. He also is very mature. Most men who serve a mission mature fast because of the lifestyle they live for those two years. Now that he's in my life it would be shallow to stop talking to him when I already knew he was younger and I already know him so why suddenly judge him over something that doesn't even define him. He presents and behaves as if he is my age.
BeaArt78 t1_j2dnm84 wrote
Block. Ignore. Walk away. Call the police if he continues to harass you. Because if you truly don’t want to talk to him and he won’t leave you alone, it is harassment. But he is also barely an adult and it’s inappropriate if you continue a relationship with him.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dowrs wrote
At first I did not want to but he grew on me. Yes I tried those things but he was persistent. I do not usually connect with younger guys but his values are the same as mine because he is mature. It is ageist to say that he can't be in my life because he is younger. When he asks me to be his girlfriend is when I should tell him my preference.
BeaArt78 t1_j2dr4kj wrote
Its not ageist lol hes barely out of his teens!! Youre over 30. Youre just trying to validate something you know is wrong
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2drg2k wrote
He validated it not me. He would tell me it's just a number whenever I would try to write him off or hint that I want to friend zone him because he is younger. Him being younger makes things harder, but he enjoys that I am older. I don't think it is wrong, I just think he shouldn't be flirting with me.
BeaArt78 t1_j2drtb1 wrote
But you're allowing him to by responding. You obviously like it or youd block him and ignore him.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dsk4b wrote
I didn't like it before, I tried blocking him but he found a way around it and apologized for his stalker like behavior. He could not understand why I did not like his attention and said he just loves me and wants to be there for me.
BeaArt78 t1_j2dt7ow wrote
So block again. You arent required to respond to him.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dtv8c wrote
I blocked because he is younger and I thought he was just a horny younger guy but he showed me his is very mature and capable of loving me. I like how he makes me feel, and he likes how I respond to how he is with me. It is hard for us to ignore this. I won't be blocking him.
BeaArt78 t1_j2dvbtk wrote
Ok then date him. I dont know what else to tell you. You seem to be looking for validation rather than advice. .
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dw7oa wrote
Asking for validation would be saying that I am considering dating him. I am not. I am acknowledging that he was acting like a boyfriend and wants to keep this dynamic going, but because I like who he is I do not know if I should go along with this because we are both marriage minded.
Are you saying I am in denial ? This whole time I was fine with believing him and are just friends and it will never go past that. You make it seem like he is ready to hump my leg if I don't cut him off.
SerenityM3oW t1_j2e1yc8 wrote
How smart were you at 21? I bet you did a bunch of stupid things. All 21 year olds think they are as mature as 31 year olds
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2e2raj wrote
This is what I think about when I realize he is different. He would have thought I was too immature if he was 21 when I was. We had completely different values and I also did not have the strong faith I do now. He is part of that, and it is something we bonded over and he helped bring out. I was not mature like him at that time and didn't want marriage minded relationships until right about this age. He acts like he's in his 30s and is structuring his life in that way. He is far from stupid, so he knows what he is doing. What makes you think he is naive and stupid in who he tells he loves and who he invests his time in? Why do you think he is unable to make decisions for himself ?
BeaArt78 t1_j2dnop9 wrote
But he ISNT your age. Even if he seems mature, he hasn’t otherwise expect a man your age would have. Be friends with him if you must, but give him time to mature and grow up a little bit without leading him on.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dok8h wrote
I am not expecting anything from him but it is hard to deal with him telling me how much he loves me. It is like he wants me to fall for him. I did not ask him to be in my life and he made sure to not only join it, but be present and stay in it. He knows I prefer older/same age men and I would see how crushed he would be whenever I would ignore his flirting. He made it clear that he is not going anywhere. Yes we are friends with a bond, so I should be accepting of him since he is a younger guy that wants to be around older people. When I was his age I constantly found men in their 30s to be better, but they would not want to spend any time with me outside of trying to get in my pants. It would make me feel terrible so I don't want to repeat that with him. He loves me despite the age gap. I wanted advice on how to deal with the huge gap in age, not kicking him out of my life because he didn't meet an age requirement.
BeaArt78 t1_j2dr9be wrote
Youre allowing this to happen. Why are you even asking for advice? Block him and move on if you dont want to be with him. If you want to be with him, do it and stop asking for validation.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dsfet wrote
I am asking advice because I can. I am not going to block him because he was there for me countless times when I least expected it, and showed me that he can be a great guy in NY life despite his shortcoming that he has no control over. I want to be with him, but I am concerned about him wanting something more.
BeaArt78 t1_j2dt5ov wrote
Then stop complaining if you wont continue to block him and he wont listen to your boundaries. He is t owed your time. You dont owe him anything. Either grow a spine and ignore him or live with it.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dtoei wrote
Interesting point, and that is one thing that which would remind me he is not mature. He did not understand why I wanted boundaries or space from him. He would get pretty upset when I would push him away. Blocking him will make me look awful because he have a lot of mutual friends.
BeaArt78 t1_j2dv8f3 wrote
Who cares? If they dont understand ‘he is aggressively flirting with me after i asked him to stop’ then they arent friends.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dvte0 wrote
They are. There is no reason to cut him of because I like him and he likes me. Our mutual friends tried to set me up with two guys that are around his age, and were confused as to why I wouldn't want to date them. Defining someone by their age is wrong, especially when I got to know the person.
Why are you saying he is aggressively flirting ?
BeaArt78 t1_j2dwah1 wrote
You literally said he wont leave you alone. Either you like it and want to date him or you dont. Pick one.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dwrqt wrote
I like him but not his age. If he was my age it would be different. Yes he won't leave me alone but you put all the blame on me. You don't address his behavior. You don't think it is gross he is behaving that way towards someone older than him ?
BeaArt78 t1_j2dzjc8 wrote
Youre going around in circles. Either you want to date him or you dont. Hes practically a child. What he is doing doesn't matter if you think it's gross or not, your actions do. Lots of kids have crushes on older people. He isnt stopping because you are feeding into it.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2e1ttv wrote
He is far from a child. He towers over me and is mature beyond his years. He has been very positive in my life. Now you're saying a fully grown man cannot be held accountable for his behavior ? He is not a kid and does not live like one. I am not sure why he is not stopping but I am not feeding into it. I pushed him away in the past and he got us through that. He loves that we are exactly ten years in age difference, and is not afraid of it. I want to spend more time with him because he is a great person. I have reservations about dating him. You make it seem like he is not allowed to be my friend or that he is out of control, yet you place no accountability in his behavior. He is the one acting this way, to make me feel more comfortable with him. Yet you don't ask why, and instead blame me for not shutting people who care about me out of my life for something he cannot control.
BeaArt78 t1_j2e3kyf wrote
Are you really equating height with maturity? Maybe youre perfect for him then lol
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2e4f3w wrote
No. I am saying he is and adult, not a child. He is not immature and doesn't look like a child either.
BeaArt78 t1_j2e3nz7 wrote
YOU are placing no accountability on his behavior. You have options. You are choosing not to use them.
ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2e4mk2 wrote
I did, but not anymore because he is now in my life. My options are less because I chose to engage with him. We enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other. What he cannot control is who he loves, so I accept his love.
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