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BeaArt78 t1_j2dnop9 wrote

Reply to comment by ldsgirl2022 in (31F) (21M) Mutual Attraction? Dealing with a Major Crush On My Guy Friend by ldsgirl2022

But he ISNT your age. Even if he seems mature, he hasn’t otherwise expect a man your age would have. Be friends with him if you must, but give him time to mature and grow up a little bit without leading him on.

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dok8h wrote

I am not expecting anything from him but it is hard to deal with him telling me how much he loves me. It is like he wants me to fall for him. I did not ask him to be in my life and he made sure to not only join it, but be present and stay in it. He knows I prefer older/same age men and I would see how crushed he would be whenever I would ignore his flirting. He made it clear that he is not going anywhere. Yes we are friends with a bond, so I should be accepting of him since he is a younger guy that wants to be around older people. When I was his age I constantly found men in their 30s to be better, but they would not want to spend any time with me outside of trying to get in my pants. It would make me feel terrible so I don't want to repeat that with him. He loves me despite the age gap. I wanted advice on how to deal with the huge gap in age, not kicking him out of my life because he didn't meet an age requirement.

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BeaArt78 t1_j2dr9be wrote

Youre allowing this to happen. Why are you even asking for advice? Block him and move on if you dont want to be with him. If you want to be with him, do it and stop asking for validation.

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dsfet wrote

I am asking advice because I can. I am not going to block him because he was there for me countless times when I least expected it, and showed me that he can be a great guy in NY life despite his shortcoming that he has no control over. I want to be with him, but I am concerned about him wanting something more.

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BeaArt78 t1_j2dt5ov wrote

Then stop complaining if you wont continue to block him and he wont listen to your boundaries. He is t owed your time. You dont owe him anything. Either grow a spine and ignore him or live with it.

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dtoei wrote

Interesting point, and that is one thing that which would remind me he is not mature. He did not understand why I wanted boundaries or space from him. He would get pretty upset when I would push him away. Blocking him will make me look awful because he have a lot of mutual friends.

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BeaArt78 t1_j2dv8f3 wrote

Who cares? If they dont understand ‘he is aggressively flirting with me after i asked him to stop’ then they arent friends.

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dvte0 wrote

They are. There is no reason to cut him of because I like him and he likes me. Our mutual friends tried to set me up with two guys that are around his age, and were confused as to why I wouldn't want to date them. Defining someone by their age is wrong, especially when I got to know the person.

Why are you saying he is aggressively flirting ?

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BeaArt78 t1_j2dwah1 wrote

You literally said he wont leave you alone. Either you like it and want to date him or you dont. Pick one.

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2dwrqt wrote

I like him but not his age. If he was my age it would be different. Yes he won't leave me alone but you put all the blame on me. You don't address his behavior. You don't think it is gross he is behaving that way towards someone older than him ?

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BeaArt78 t1_j2dzjc8 wrote

Youre going around in circles. Either you want to date him or you dont. Hes practically a child. What he is doing doesn't matter if you think it's gross or not, your actions do. Lots of kids have crushes on older people. He isnt stopping because you are feeding into it.

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2e1ttv wrote

He is far from a child. He towers over me and is mature beyond his years. He has been very positive in my life. Now you're saying a fully grown man cannot be held accountable for his behavior ? He is not a kid and does not live like one. I am not sure why he is not stopping but I am not feeding into it. I pushed him away in the past and he got us through that. He loves that we are exactly ten years in age difference, and is not afraid of it. I want to spend more time with him because he is a great person. I have reservations about dating him. You make it seem like he is not allowed to be my friend or that he is out of control, yet you place no accountability in his behavior. He is the one acting this way, to make me feel more comfortable with him. Yet you don't ask why, and instead blame me for not shutting people who care about me out of my life for something he cannot control.

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BeaArt78 t1_j2e3kyf wrote

Are you really equating height with maturity? Maybe youre perfect for him then lol

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2e4f3w wrote

No. I am saying he is and adult, not a child. He is not immature and doesn't look like a child either.

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BeaArt78 t1_j2e3nz7 wrote

YOU are placing no accountability on his behavior. You have options. You are choosing not to use them.

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ldsgirl2022 OP t1_j2e4mk2 wrote

I did, but not anymore because he is now in my life. My options are less because I chose to engage with him. We enjoy spending time together and getting to know each other. What he cannot control is who he loves, so I accept his love.

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