Enderdejorand t1_j2dtmoo wrote on December 31, 2022 at 2:56 PM

You're still very young and have plenty of time to build a life with someone else. You're not giving us much to go on as to why this relationship is worth trying to salvage--do you feel there is a good division of labor, a good sense of communication, and a good amount of mutual respect?

At the end of the day, only you can decide if the trust is there to have a stable foundation for a relationship, or if his deceit has broken that trust irreparably. My two cents is it's only 7 months and it's better to get out now--why take the risk that he will disappoint you when he's already shown you who he is. And tbh, I don't believe him when he says nothing happened with his ex (or if that was even the only time).

And this is all setting aside the age gap, which raises some questions.

Edit: After reading more details from your other posts, get out now. He didn't come clean, he was exposed; his ex confirmed they slept together, as do the contents of his texts; and, to top it all off, he's blaming you and trying to control your social media, purely so he can control the narrative and limit information about who he cheats with without others finding out, which is 100% abusive behavior--are you sure you're even the girlfriend and not the other woman? His behavior surrounding sex and requiring it every time, including guilt tripping you about "holding him hostage" is also classic abuse.

ThrowRA01125 t1_j2dv44r wrote on December 31, 2022 at 3:08 PM

Good communication, love, support, he really is a gentlemen, would bend his back and do anything for me, I feel like he treated me like a queen. tbh everything that I have been looking for in a guy. I know 10 years is huge and it was something I was hesitant also in the beginning, I had the mindset of love has no age and we gave it a try.

Enderdejorand t1_j2dvj87 wrote on December 31, 2022 at 3:11 PM

Pass.

Google love bombing. This guy is a classic abuser, and you're seeing a bit behind the facade he's put up. The second you peek behind that curtain, he's cheating, he's blaming you, and he's controlling your social media/body with his demands for passwords and sex.

A relationship is built on trust. He doesn't trust you, as shown by demanding access to all your social media, and you shouldn't trust him after he lied and you were confronted with credible evidence of cheating.

This is not a gentleman, this is your projection of what a gentleman looks like onto a 34 yr old with nothing going on. This is someone who will do whatever he can to use you and your body for as long as you will let him, until you figure out this is all manipulation.

[deleted] OP t1_j2dzlu9 wrote on December 31, 2022 at 3:41 PM

[removed]

Correct-Sprinkles-21 t1_j2fp3qm wrote on December 31, 2022 at 10:54 PM

You were only a few months into the relationship and you found out that those qualities were being used to hide misbehavior.

He has surface level good qualities but extremely poor character. The poor character is what you're going to be dealing with long term. The good qualities will be dropped as soon as he thinks he has you hooked.

You have to understand that it is normal for someone to appear "perfect" for you at the beginning of the relationship. People put their best foot forward. They do what they know you want so you will consider them for the role of partner. The difference between someone who is just putting on a facade and someone who is genuinely a good person is that the good person maintains all these good traits consistently and long term.

My ex, for instance, was "everything I wanted in man" and sucked me into a whirlwind romance and marriage. Literally the day we married he dropped the mask and I discovered I was married to an absolutely miserable, selfish, abusive person. There were signs, but I ignored them because he had that fake perfect man persona which made me question my sanity if I ever had concerns.

My current partner, on the other hand, is a genuinely good person. He didn't playact a good partner until he had me hooked. He IS one, to his core. He communicates openly because it is genuinely important to him. He is kind all the time because he is a genuinely kind person. He is not good to me only to get something from me, but because his goodness is a core part of his personality.

It takes time and caution to find out whether a person's behavior is genuine or not. You have found out that your bfs "good person" persona was at least partially false. It would be really foolish to continue with him.