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wirylime t1_j2dp87p wrote

So let me get this straight. He is a sweet guy, has a job, pulls his weight, and cares for you a lot. And you are anxious, insecure, and tired of trying to change him. So. What we have here is you trying to mold him into a dominant leader because you don't know how to be confident and strong yourself. That way you can depend on him because you have a co-dependent personality. You say you had to teach him a lot about relationships, but it doesn't sound like you have had a ton of experience with normal healthy relationships yourself, so is it possible that your opinion of how he should behave is a bit off? Stop trying to fix him and perhaps work on yourself.

We understand what you mean when you say he lacks confidence to make a choice or stand up for himself. That could be frustrating. But have you considered that he really is trying not to upset you because of your history of depression and insecurities? If you are the type that needs people to constantly pour on how much they love you, then you come off as a bit high maintenance and needy. He is probably just trying to keep the peace.

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No_Wrangler4414 OP t1_j2dwsek wrote

I think you are right about the co dependency issue and my lack of healthy relationship experience. The only other relationship i was in was 8 year long, toxic and abusive one and ive tried to freak out less in this healthy relationship. Where my ex was dominant and expressive he was also uncaring and hurtful with anger issues. I come from home with unstable mother and father that abandoned us.

Ive told him that i would Like for him to be more expressive as that is the how i feel connected to someone.. Not just how much they love me but meaningful things. And that i understand he is not that deep and meet him half way.

I crave that romance and deep connection that i see other ppl have but at the same time i know i got safety, comfort, respect and care which i am utmost grateful for and thats why i feel i am being unfair to him. But its also Like a nagging feeling thst i cant get rid of.

Ive told him if he ever have a problem to tell me and rather upset me but not keep things away from me. He would rather keep his trauma hidden because it would upset me for the moment. You hit it spot on that he wants to keep peace at all times.

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