Submitted by No_Wrangler4414 t3_zzt301 in relationship_advice
I [25F] got together with my bf almost 2 years ago when he was 25 and i 23. I was his first relationship and since then i had to be patient with him and teach him a lot about relationships in general.
He is the sweetest person i ever met and he means well but he is not dominant at all. Ive tried to make him shine and be more sure of himself and speak up but in the end it all falls on "we will do what ever you wanna do" and i feel a lot of pressure and i am becoming tired.
He isnt emotional at all as well.. Ive said to him that my love language is words of affirmation and i need a lot of reassurence and love words and texts and that connection to feel loved.
He said to me that he is trying and he isnt expressive person and he doesnt wanna upset me or hurt me. And that thats just who he is and wont change. I asked him to send me random texts saying what i mean to him. I Ask him a lot of question what he likes about me. A lot of Times ITs very vague answers and not specifics or that he loves that i love him. He didnt ever send me a lovey text randomly putting his heart out. He doesnt rly know courting and i was the one making first steps.
I love him so dearly.. He is so sweet we go out a lot, h e provides for me, he helps me cook and clean ( he lacks self confidence to do cooking but when he does ITs rly good and ive encouraged him and said ITs great and tasty a lot but still a lot of decisions regarding food is on me).
I feel Like he knows that since he isnt expressive and dominant a lot of what we do is what i want and he pays or will do what he can to provide even tho i am trying to get him to say what he wants or if something bothers him.
But he doesnt wanna upset me and i can see if he does something wrong he will silently hate himself for making me upset.
He genuienly loves me and cares about me and he will put himself whole to make sure i was good and taken care of and he never made me feel bad for my depression.
I wanna make this work and i wanna be less anxious in my relationship because i love him so much. Break up is not an answer for me but i wanna know your guys opinions on how things should work in healthy relationships
ChocolateChouxCream t1_j2dgwme wrote
Personally, I think you're putting too much pressure on him. You mention he does chores, and has a job (since he makes money?) So how are you needing to mother him? Seems like what you're demanding all the time is just expressions of love in the way that you want. To be honest I think it's useless to try to change someone.