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Because you put up with it for 7 years and married him anyway. Why would he change? He already has what he wants. Unfortunately, what he wants isn't to make you happy.

It sounds like he isn't a planner. Lots of people arnt. It also sounds like he won't change since you already told him about it. But it does sound like he has other positive qualities. Does he show you he loves you in other ways?

I think being "distraught" over him not planning special outings seems a little extreme to me. But if its that important to you then maybe he's not the right guy for you.

He does make me happy.. in other ways. He’s kind and does the dishes. He’s super supportive. He wants kids & I don’t right now, and he makes sure I know that I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to.

It’s very important to me. And I think that’s it. That he isn’t a planner. But that’s what’s confusing to me… how do I care less about those things? They’re SUPER important to me. Especially in the beginning of a relationship & I never got it.

Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. It sounds like planning is a strength for you. That's great! What are his strengths? Do they make up for his weaknesses?

I really enjoy planning and getting to pick out what my partner and I do. My current bf will plan too but I actually prefer to do the planning. I've been in relationships where guys would make extravagant plans... it was nice but I found if a guy did that early on they were often just trying to impress and their true shitty natures came out later on. Love bombing is actually a really common thing... The extravagant planners in my past turned out to be liers, cheaters and abusers...

That is bare minimum shit. That is what you get from a roommate.

What should I do?

Tell him what you need. Tell him you're done if you don't see any effort. Stick to your word.

I’m not that brave :(

Then you're going to be miserable. There is no third option. He's not going to magically change.

Every year i think, “this is the year” & i swear he’s perfect in every other way. But i agree with you, it’s like having a roommate. Which sucks for me. But i love him :( and i feel like he tries & fails. Like it’s very hard for him. When we talk about it he says he’ll try harder and never tries to justify it.

It's not just about the planning. She expressed that she was unhappy, he promised to do something about it, and then he didn't. You don't have to be a big planner to ask your partner out to the movies or Google a new sex position.

Yeah, I did that for 5 years. Once I stopped putting up with it, I was immediately replaced. You're a seat filler.

I don’t even need anything extravagant. I’d be ok with a handwritten note or a homecooked meal or even takeout. As long as it’s special. And ive told him that. He just says he doesnt know how.