Submitted by ThrowRA_129753 t3_zzp90z in relationship_advice
I [18M/MB] am new to dating and I just asked a girl [18F] out of the first time, but I'm not really sure if I made it clear I was interested in a date. The text I sent was simply something along the lines of: "Hey, do you wanna grab coffee or lunch sometime?" Dose it seem clear I'm interested in a date, and not just hanging out?
TL;DR: Does "Hey, do you wanna grab coffee or lunch sometime?" Provide clear intent for a date?
SSG_Vegeta t1_j2cw0c3 wrote
It’s suggestive but not truly clear. Go meet them if they want, tell them you’re interested in getting to know them better and if the first meet is good, flat out ask “would you be open to a date on (pick an exact date)?”
That’s a direct question. They have three responses:
1.) No - not interested
2.) No - let’s pick another date cause I have plans
3.) Yes - they are interested
Now the goal is clear, they’re not in limbo and neither are you.
You need to pick a date in the question, so it removes any ambiguity.
Edit: a good life skill is learning to ask direct questions like above. But also, asking open ended questions.
For example:
Do you like “food A”? (Answer can be Yes or No, this isn’t going to illicit conversation from shy people)
Replace it with: I really love “food A”, it reminds me of (memory)… that makes me (feeling). What’s your favorite food?
Now there isn’t a “yes/no” that is appropriate to respond with. They’re going to answer with something you can build upon. Since you led with your feelings and a memory, it will make them more likely to dig in and qualify more upon your questions. After that, they’ll want to go back to your statements and inquire there or expand upon them.
This is a good way to keep conversation flowing.