Submitted by ThrowRA_129753 t3_zzp90z in relationship_advice

I [18M/MB] am new to dating and I just asked a girl [18F] out of the first time, but I'm not really sure if I made it clear I was interested in a date. The text I sent was simply something along the lines of: "Hey, do you wanna grab coffee or lunch sometime?" Dose it seem clear I'm interested in a date, and not just hanging out?

TL;DR: Does "Hey, do you wanna grab coffee or lunch sometime?" Provide clear intent for a date?

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SSG_Vegeta t1_j2cw0c3 wrote

It’s suggestive but not truly clear. Go meet them if they want, tell them you’re interested in getting to know them better and if the first meet is good, flat out ask “would you be open to a date on (pick an exact date)?”

That’s a direct question. They have three responses:

1.) No - not interested

2.) No - let’s pick another date cause I have plans

3.) Yes - they are interested

Now the goal is clear, they’re not in limbo and neither are you.

You need to pick a date in the question, so it removes any ambiguity.

Edit: a good life skill is learning to ask direct questions like above. But also, asking open ended questions.

For example:

Do you like “food A”? (Answer can be Yes or No, this isn’t going to illicit conversation from shy people)

Replace it with: I really love “food A”, it reminds me of (memory)… that makes me (feeling). What’s your favorite food?

Now there isn’t a “yes/no” that is appropriate to respond with. They’re going to answer with something you can build upon. Since you led with your feelings and a memory, it will make them more likely to dig in and qualify more upon your questions. After that, they’ll want to go back to your statements and inquire there or expand upon them.

This is a good way to keep conversation flowing.

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Puppycow t1_j2cwnyf wrote

It's not totally unambiguous, but there's a strong hint there. However, not everyone who invites someone for coffee or lunch necessarily wants to get in the other person's pants.

You'll just have to gage her reaction. Has she answered yet? If she accepts your invitation, you can make it clearer during your "date". Just because she is willing to have coffee or lunch with you doesn't necessarily mean she wants to date you. If she acts like she likes your company, all signs point to her being interested. But you have to say it in a clearer way, eventually.

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bobloblawslawflog t1_j2cx61q wrote

It’s fine. There isn’t a really unambiguous way to ask someone out via text that both makes your intent known and isn’t weird or creepy. “Do you want to go on a date?” is not how people talk. If she accepts, you have the opportunity to charm her and achieve your goal. But wanting it to be known going in - “I want her to know she is on a date” - is only meant to make it easier on you, to have that clarified on the front end. Don’t be like that. Get better at in-person relationship-building.

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