Husband continues to cheat and lie about it. For context, my definition of cheating is exactly what he is doing: we are monogamous and I told him my boundaries are no flirting with other girls, no porn etc and nothing else sexual happening without me. He keeps crossing these boundaries.

I (Taylor, f 23) am married to husband (Matthew m 24). I’ll make this as short as possible. This is my first relationship. A while ago I found a credit card statement for a few times at a romantic hotel, iykyk. He claims once was for a friend in town as there were no available hotels which he proved. I tried to help him to dispute the other charges because he said they were bogus but he forbade me from calling the bank or hotel for him, he said it was fine and not a big deal. He has acted sus before so I went through his phone. It was full of porn, messages with other girls about meeting up for sex, and nonconsensual photos and videos of a lady he works with. After a week of being sick to my stomach I confronted him, he was furious and changed his passwords and has not allowed me to look at his phone since. He said if I loved him, I wouldn’t doubt him or accuse him. I feel horrible, but if I hadn’t done it did he expect me to live my life unaware of his infidelity? He promised he wouldn’t do it again. I still have my ways, and I don’t know who he is messaging, but I do know he is still watching porn and researching prostitution advertising websites. (Get a life bro) Ever since confrontation, I have asked him if he is still doing it and he denies it. But I have screenshots…Our sex life has become non existent and he claims it’s because he is tired from working (he does work full time and I understand) but does it make sense he claims to be a non sexual man and turn around to watch porn and look up “hookers in my area” in the middle of the night as I lay sleeping next to him? That’s so incredibly disrespectful right??? And I don’t even know if he is meeting these hookers cause he refuses to let me see his phone. We have life 360 and I haven’t seen anything out of the ordinary but I’m starting to become paranoid of what he is capable of doing…He says if I love him for real I wouldn’t want to look. That seems weird to me. We had a whole week alone as his parents went on vacation and we had the house to ourselves, we didn’t even make out. I know I have to respect his boundaries but I crave so bad to be touched by him and I don’t even know why, when he treats me like shit. I feel so unloved and heartbroken. I truly loved him, but now I feel so disgusted by him at the same time. I hate this so much! Problem is I am a stay at home wife with no income or other family to stay with. He also expects me to prepare his meals and take care of all of his things and clean everything because “all he does is work and I stay at home and do nothing”. I understand but it’s his attitude about it that irks me, he seems entitled almost. He complains when I don’t do things “right when he asks me”. I’ve never seen him prepare his own meal or clean anything in the house. I don’t want to be rude…(I am a full time student while he lies about being in school. He swears he went to school this semester but I asked around campus and no teacher had him this semester). He has a good paying job and I can barely keep a part time due to health problems. I have no idea what to do…I’ve asked him many times if he is not attracted to me then leave me. He doesn’t. It’s like he just wants the wife part without treating me like a wife. He is not romantic at all and makes no effort to spend time with me or bond. Brushes me off when I ask. I hate him and love him. I feel like it’s because I gained a lot of weight from my bc (I’ve never been pretty) and I’m unattractive to him…We’ve had many conversations about us and I asked if he wanted to continue talking to other girls that’s fine but we have to break up and he immediately said “okay I’ll help you pack” very fast…idek. Not to mention his personality…he is such a good liar and constantly gaslights me that I end up doubting myself! He is that good and convincing I almost thought he was the serpent satan lmao. He knows I prefer women but refuses to let me get a gf or hook up w other women while he gets to cheat? Nah I think not my guy. I asked for a gf so I can have some sort of attention and satisfaction bc I barely get to be with him but that’s “cheating”. I even offered to open the relationship so he can see other people but he must not want me to see other people cause he knows i prefer women. I hate men, they’re all the same. No man I have met has ever respected me. TLDR; husband continues to cheat, refuses to let me see phone but I have evidence and he denies every accusation. I admit I am not the perfect ideal partner and I have my issues, but damn bro, that was a real low blow.