[21F][20M] New Years Girls Night Conflict (advice/AITA)

Submitted by Successful-Storage80 t3_zzo4oc in relationship_advice

TLDR; I finally have an opportunity to go on a girls night (which turned into girls and friend’s bf night) after not having time to myself, but it’s on the most romantic night of the year while my bf and I are going through a small rough patch.

My bf (20M) and I (21F) are very happy. We’ve been dating for over a year, we have our own apt, and just recently got a puppy. Even though I’m in school full-time, he’s providing for us while I help out with watching the dog and our place. This works for us, especially since we swap roles of providing and supporting so we can get our education. However, lately our issues in our relationship is that I barely leave the apartment when I’m not in school, and I’m not truly taking time for myself because I’m watching our fur-child. His work is atypical where he works 24h (sometimes 72h) shifts in a high-stress environment, and he’s struggling with his depression and anxiety so much that when he IS home he needs to decompress during the only time together. He is completely in agreement that I deserve time out with friends away from the apt, and that he has no problem with looking after the puppy. But yaknow, my friends also work and go to school, so they didn’t have many opportunities to hang out all Winter Break except for holidays. And my bf usually works holidays, so I spent Christmas alone with the puppy. New Years Eve is tomorrow, and my friends finally reach out and say we should go bar hopping. My bf was visually bummed when I mentioned it, bc he gets back from work the morning of and would be home for our midnight kiss. He still supported it, and I had the assumption that it would just be me and my girl friends. One of my friends followed up though and said they were bringing their bf. Lovely dude, nothing against him— but it seems even more unfair that not only am I spending New Years to have girl time on the most romantic night of the year, we’re doing an activity where he couldn’t participate anyway bc he’s under 21, but I’m excluding him from hanging out with our couple friends as well. I told him while he was at work, he was even more bummed, but still said I should go. I promised him I would be home in time for midnight kiss, but just the guilt of not spending time with him even though I know I need this time for myself, almost ruins it for me. If he was 21, I would take him with me and it would be a no-brainer. Do I just go and ask for forgiveness later, AITA, am I being too hard on myself?

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Dependent_Remove_326 t1_j2cpux8 wrote

I think you are being a little too hard on yourself. BUT I would probably go hang out and drink till 10 and be home waiting for him when he gets home.

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AffectionateWheel386 t1_j2ctd5c wrote

OK, you can crate a puppy if you want to go out and it’s not potty trained yet. Also, if you work with a dog, you can train it so that you can leave the house and the dog can stay behind. There isn’t any reason why you can’t leave the house because you have a dog. I’ve had dogs in full-time jobs. I think you’re a little codependent I don’t think you’re an asshole. And meaning you’re over thoughtful and you’re not taking care of yourself. Again train your dog the dog can stay at home while you go out for a couple three hours.

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Successful-Storage80 OP t1_j2cxso1 wrote

A lot of what you’re saying I do resonate with and appreciate, I do struggle with codependency and it’s one of the reasons I advocated for myself to have girls night out. It’s still difficult to see it as self-care, even with the work I’ve done on myself separate from our relationship. Like, my guilt is split between needing time for myself and needing more quality time together since he’s gone for work for long periods of time. As far as the dog goes, we are training him, but he’s still less than 3 months old. So he can’t be left alone for more than 2 hours in the crate.

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AffectionateWheel386 t1_j2cy3jm wrote

I’m in recovery from alcohol for two decades, and I came in very codependent and I still have codependency. It’s a journey not a destination. Good luck to you. I guess I didn’t realize the baby dog was so small. I love dogs and I promise you in three years. That dog will be a champion and do everything the way you want it to but you’re right. A puppy that small is very needy.

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frockofseagulls t1_j2cpsvy wrote

You’re being too hard on yourself. Go have fun with your friends. If you’re annoyed your friend is bringing her bf to girls night, say so.

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Dont139 t1_j2cqv48 wrote

NYE is thebmost romantic night of the year? Damn we are definitely from 2 different cultures, in mine it's valentine's day. NYE is meant to be with friends

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Successful-Storage80 OP t1_j2cr3nz wrote

For us it is, only bc Valentine’s Day puts a lot of pressure on gifts and NYE is about spending last moments of the year together.

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