The problem is not with your two different cultural heritages, it’s your mum. You are not stuck between two cultures, you are of both cultures and neither your mum and dad can tell you how to incorporate those two cultures into your life. They are Chinese and Laotian, respectively, while you’re Chinese-Laotian-American. Your cultural identity is different from your parents. How you approach this part of your identity will be your journey, and yours alone. With the support of maybe other Chinese-Laotian-Americans. There isn’t any conflict. In Laotian ceremonies, white is good luck, in Chinese it’s bad luck. Sometimes you need a spoon, other times you need a fork.

It’s your mum that’s making it a problem because she isn’t respecting your cultural identity which is Chinese-Laotian-American, and not Chinese. If she wanted a Chinese kid, she shouldn’t have chosen a Laotian father and moved to USA. So remember, you are allowed to form your own cultural identity, and the conflict is from your mum who has actively kept your father out of your upbringing and all of his traditions. I would be careful with your mother. She sounds very egotistical.