[21F][21M][20F] My boyfriend's ex contacted him saying he has a son

Submitted by ThrowRapotatonator t3_zzktch in relationship_advice

My boyfriend's ex texted him saying she was pregnant and it's his son

Hi guys, I'm just very lost and conflicted right now. My bf knows my account, so I had to make a throw away.

We've (bf is m21 and I'm f21) been dating for a little over a year and had our anniversary recently. Our relationship is very healthy. We're both in psychiatry and therapy to better regulate our individual traumas and histories, but we are growing and helping each other out. We argue; however, our communication is VERY good. He's helped me stand up when I was low and helped me learn to walk on my own. I'm very thankful and I love him very much.

The issue is, his ex (f20) contacted him again. Last time it was two months or so ago. He showed me and blocked the ex after saying he was uncomfortable communicating with her. The ex also said the following two months ago, "can we meet and talk in person please? I want to talk to you about something important."

Now, my boyfriend got a text from his ex, "hey (bf's name), I've been trying to reach out to you for months. But you blocked me and won't talk or meet me. I wanted to let you know that you have a son. I know he's yours since i found out about my pregnancy after we broke up. I wanted to tell you in person because I feel like it's important for this to be in person."

He just showed me an hour ago. I'm very conflicted and scared. My bf and I live together, own two kittens together that were basically treating like an easier version of having kids. We've made plans and had talked about our future and marriage.

She didn't send any picture or proof of the child, but I don't know tbh. I don't know how to proceed with this because I've always wanted us and our family to be first in the future, not a child he had with someone else.

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Comments

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AffectionateWheel386 t1_j2c6znd wrote

Well, I would verify that she’s having a child first, and then get a DNA test to make sure it’s even his. But it would freak me out to.

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ThrowRapotatonator OP t1_j2cagx5 wrote

He's not sure whether or not he wants to meet his ex. Also, I have a very pessimistic way of thinking, I just want to have options prepared just in case it is his.

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nuttynutdude t1_j2cf5uw wrote

He needs that test regardless of whether he wants to be a parent. If he doesn’t he’s financially stuck with that kid for 18 years regardless of whether it’s his.

And it’s not pessimistic to reconsider your options in this scenario. If you don’t want to be with a parent, that’s fully within your rights and in my opinion smart considering you’re 21. At bear minimum you should be taking a step back and reevaluating the situation

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AffectionateWheel386 t1_j2cbmk4 wrote

He doesn’t need to do anything right now. I feel like she’s trying to manipulate him a little bit. I’ve known women they got pregnant by Guy is the didn’t show up properly and they didn’t follow him around and track them.

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