[22m] [22f] My bf likes me better with makeup. I feel awful

Submitted by ThrowRA3567767 t3_1002u99 in relationship_advice

I’m an okay looking girl but I’ve been told I look like a “bombshell” with my hair and makeup done. Without it, im just okay. Not pretty.

We went out last night and I dressed up for the first time in a while. He was fawning over me the whole time, staring at me, kissing me. When we got home he was telling me that he’s so lucky he’s with me, I’m out of his league and he can’t believe we’re together and he’s with the prettiest girl in the room.

It made me feel so good. We had sex and he was so into it and had fun.

I don’t know. He doesn’t act like that normally. It made me feel like a princess but it also made me sad that he’s not always complimenting ne like that. Am I being crazy

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flybyknight665 t1_j2fdfd4 wrote

Wait did he tell you you only look "okay" without makeup or someone else?

Because if he's not the one that said it, I don't think it's fair to assign motivation to one night where you got dressed up, went out, had a good time, and he paid attention to you.

If the night out is an unusual or special thing then it's definitely very normal for there to be added attention. If you want him to be more reassuring about your normal appearance because you're nervous over things other have said, then tell him that.

But if he's the one who told you you're a bombshell with makeup and only alright without it then that's a crap partner who's making you feel bad and should be dealt with accordingly.

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DelsMagicFishies t1_j2fxk77 wrote

She says in other comments that he isn’t “sweet to her” and doesn’t compliment her in everyday life. That’s the problem here.

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redvelvetcakebatter t1_j2fqf3t wrote

I definitely get more attention from my partner when I dress up. I like it that way. But he’s never shy to tell me I’m cute, beautiful, sexy etc. when I’m not dressed up. So I can understand your point of view.

I think you should talk with your boyfriend about how that makes you feel. Let him know you enjoy the words of affirmation and you want him to do it more often (when you’re simply your regular self).

If he can’t or if he feels you’re not “beautiful enough” without all the pizazz.. it’s up to you where to go from there. Personally I would feel they’re not attracted to me and I would probably leave.

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Ambartenen t1_j2f53ab wrote

I don’t get it. You dressed up fancy and he showed you extra attention. Isn’t that the goal of dressing up?

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ThrowRA3567767 OP t1_j2f5mb2 wrote

It’d be nice if he was sweet with me even if I didn’t spend hours getting ready. It’s not like he calls me ugly but he just doesn’t really say anything

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Ambartenen t1_j2f5rfi wrote

Oh wait so he’s never sweet at all unless you doll yourself up? That’s kind of crappy then.

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CuteDerpster t1_j2fr45p wrote

Do you compliment him in daily life when he is not putting in effort?

Answer is probably no.

But does that mean you don't find him attractive?

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RoastBeefIsGood t1_j2fdt0p wrote

I mean, he’s more attracted to you when you put on make up and get dressed up. You could definitely bring this up as talk about him physically expressing himself more with you when your out of make up but… I think he’d just tell you that you’re prettier with it on then not.

Flip side; he could’ve saw the effort you put into your appearance and wanted to give appreciation and affection. And maybe saying you’d like that reaction in regards to other features of your life (whether it’s career success, a goal was reached in you hobby, idk you made an amazing spaghetti sauce) to show that appreciation for rather than solely focusing on your physical appearance.

Bottom line; talk to him and tell him you want more of that for him, or at least it not centering around when your make up is done.

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5wan t1_j2fd1ty wrote

Isn’t that the point of makeup???

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StatedBarely t1_j2fj8ct wrote

Uhh I don’t think make up should change the way your SO treats you. I dress like a slob all the time but will get dolled up and look super good if I need to. My husband tells me I’m pretty daily no matter what I wear. He treats me the same whether I’m slobbing it in my PJs or dressed up to the nines. Granted when I dress up and get my make up done he’ll be like “wow the effort you put in is showing results!”. But even when I’m dressed down he’ll still call me his pretty girl, compliments my hair or something. His treatment of me never changes. He doesn’t stare at me more when I dress up or less when I don’t. If he did it would give me a complex and I would feel the need to dress up and put on make up all the time because I wouldn’t feel good enough in my own skin.

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throwaway77914 t1_j2fpobx wrote

Depends on your relationship dynamic and love language.

I don’t make unsolicited comments on my partner’s physical appearance ordinarily and would honestly be weirded out if he called me pretty everyday.

If we’re all done up for a special event or got a new haircut or something, then it makes sense to make a comment about how he looks handsome in that suit or how I’m beautiful with that shade of lipstick, new hairstyle, etc.

If consistent words of affirmation (including verbal compliments) is your love language then you should communicate that with your partner and they should put some effort to accommodate, or find a partner who also speaks that love language naturally.

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Darth1Football t1_j2fghkr wrote

The way I read this is you're fretting because you he showed you extra attention & passion when you were dolled up, but not as much in your normal day to day?

If that's the case, and you expect the "princess treatment" everyday, then I think you're being unreasonable unless he's totally ignoring you he other 95% of the time

If he's a good guy, treats you well and you have a good relationship - don't create problems where there isn't any

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AorticMishap t1_j2fj58r wrote

Info: who told you you look “okay” without makeup? Has your bf ever expressed any sort of feeling like this?

Based on your post as written, it sounds as if you’re taking him being enthusiastic about you in makeup as a criticism of you outside of makeup? Rather than talking to him about it

If that is actually the case, my advice is to talk to him about it

If he is blatantly trying to tell you you’re only attractive in makeup, I’d personally opt out of that relationship myself but it really depends on how you feel about it

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mythicalkcw t1_j2fvpvv wrote

This doesn't need to be a negative imo.
I think I look better with makeup on and my hair done, nice outfit etc. And I feel sexier. So why shouldn't my husband? It doesn't mean he doesn't find your natural look attractive.
Unless he actually comments on you without makeup negatively then I wouldn't look too much into it.

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Individual_Lemon_139 t1_j2fimqz wrote

Yes, It's normal for partners to be extra attracted when they can see that we have put in the extra effort no matter what sex.

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escargeaux t1_j2fmjbg wrote

I don't see the problem. My wife is gorgeous in her pajamas but also a bombshell when she's all done up, really turns heads. You're really overthrowing all of it.

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dazriver t1_j2fvzuq wrote

You are angry that he notices and praises your extra efforts. Suffering from success.

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Older_But_Wiser t1_j2fvxk5 wrote

If he hadn’t paid all that extra attention to you would your post have said: I got all dressed up to go out last night, including makeup, and my BF didn’t say anything about how nice I looked.

You can’t have it both ways. Maybe he just wanted to let you know he noticed your extra effort to look special for him.

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UnsightlyFuzz t1_j2f5ado wrote

He's telling you (unconsciously maybe) that he likes the well put together look. My advice? Relax when you want to, but sometimes also go all out for him.

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EmpadaDeAtum t1_j2f7nlv wrote

Spoken like a man that doesn't understand the time and effort makeup takes.

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UnsightlyFuzz t1_j2fb1pg wrote

I am not a man. I know that hair and makeup take quite a bit of time, which is why I go natural (but not au naturel) the majority of the time. Still, it's fun to dress up and go glam occasionally.

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Toddo2017 t1_j2fu5ir wrote

You’re beautiful, with or without. He was just blown away by you trying, if not grateful you did because he felt like it was for him like you were trying to impress him… he sounds smitten and you’re over thinking. Trust me you’re most likely more pretty than you realize, I bet.

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TheLeaves16 t1_j2fmqww wrote

I know how you're feeling here, and I have felt this way in the past. But...if I'm judging from your post alone, this is not what he's indicating. This is anxiety and insecurity and filling in the blanks in your mind. That's not a criticism of you. We all do it to some extent. We guess what people might be thinking or saying, and our minds come up with hurtful answers to those situations.

I have been with my partner for about 15 years now, but I remember lots of tears of assumptions I made like this. I would even frame it that way to him in an accusatory way. I was young. I was insecure a lot. We were new. Etc. Etc. Happens to the best of us. We met when we were 16. Haha. But my point is that over time and growth in the relationship, I realized the best method really was for me to say: Hey, when X happened, this is what went through my mind. Can you help me understand if this is true?

Overall, it sounds like he thinks you're beautiful, but overthinking really gets the best of us sometimes.

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[deleted] t1_j2fq37s wrote

If he didn't say he likes you better with makeup, that's something you're coming up with internally. Everyone looks better with makeup, you're not alone in that. Unless you get cosmetic surgery, fillers, botox, eyelash extensions, microbladed brows, etc you aren't going to just wake up looking amazing. And that's totally okay! I look exhausted without makeup.

It sounds as though you just would appreciate him being sweet with you even if you aren't all made up. Just talk to him about it and let him know you're feeling insecure. Unless you're dating an asshole, it's likely he didn't think about it and will try to make more of an effort if you tell him how you feel.

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Long_Somewhere_368 t1_j2fp3g0 wrote

I don’t think you’re being crazy.

I don’t think he has the same conclusions you do. He’s clearly attracted to you. But sometimes we do like when our girlfriend does her make up gets ready and puts on her best. It doesn’t mean I don’t like her or love her find her any more or less attractive. When you guys get ready to highlight features that we like, and we pay attention to.

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WalkingTombst0ne t1_j2fq68y wrote

This is why guys call it "fakeup." This is why I always take dates out to do something that doesn't involve a lot of makeup. Maybe a bicycle ride on a warm day, swimming, hiking, etc. At the end of the day I need to know what I'm going to be waking up next to.

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[deleted] t1_j2f7rbj wrote

[deleted]

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Darth1Football t1_j2fh63z wrote

>Throw the whole man out

That's bad advice with the limited context she's given.

You may be reading way more into it as all she's said is he went wild when she dolled up.

Good on you your BF fawns over you 24/7/365 - but not all guys are gonna do that.

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hottaxidermy t1_j2fj0mh wrote

The title of the post is “my bf likes me better with makeup.” I feel that’s a pretty clear indication of the subject at hand, no need to read too far into that to understand.

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Darth1Football t1_j2fk6np wrote

>The title of the post is “my bf likes me better with makeup.”

If all you read was the post title, that makes your advice to "throw the whole man out" even worse

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[deleted] t1_j2fg5e1 wrote

[deleted]

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AorticMishap t1_j2fidlo wrote

r/NotHowGirlsWork

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hottaxidermy t1_j2fkhwb wrote

Seriously what year is this guy living in where we think women do what they do for the sake of men. Yuck. Lmao.

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Ok-Preparation-2307 t1_j2flagq wrote

Yikes.

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[deleted] t1_j2fm580 wrote

[deleted]

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Ok-Preparation-2307 t1_j2fmhiv wrote

Women wear makeup for themselves not for others. I don't wear makeup 80% of the time and the odd time I do it's just mascara. I'm certainly not doing it to compete for anyone and not for my husband. He doesn't even notice when I have make up on.

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ABCDEFuckenG t1_j2fp5u8 wrote

You do know men are visual? We are initially physically attracted to a woman and putting on a nice outfit and makeup specifically to impress your man once in a while is a kind thing you can do for him. Yours doesn’t notice so you guys are different I guess

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