I really appreciate your responses. I'm trying to make sure my eyes are in fact open, because my gut has been screaming at me. I've been holding him down on the basis of me believing he chose me, because that's what he claims, but at the end of the day it didn't seem like much of a choice. It feels like the first 4 years were him pretending I was someone else, and these last 4 years are him finally getting to know me. We've had some stupid arguments based off him thinking I'm exactly like him and me realizing he has never paid much attention to me overall as a person. A piece of me does wish he would just stop talking to her considering the issues we've had, but I know better than to demand that from anyone.

If anything he's done nothing but try and talk to her. Even when she never responds. At times he would go into crisis and even cry thinking she didn't like him anymore, and she made it clear he was being annoying but it took him a long time to stop. I would beg him to calm down and not blow her up so much but he would write me off as jealous. He has in a sense admitted to rather being with her. He's fizzled out since making the statement but part of me feels like it's only because he's accepted that she doesn't want him, but is still somehow holding out for her. He told me years ago that he believed his feelings meant they were destined to be together. He recently brought up opening up our relationship on the basis of being able to have access to her in anyway he wanted. I didn't include it because he took it back, but it definitely raised flags, especially with him claiming he was over her previously. I believe at heart he wants us both, but mine is more of a supporting role. She gets way more respect than he gives me. He won't even look at another girl if she's in the room. I love him enough to put up with a lot, but after 8 years I'm starting to break. We just about have this conversation everyday because he wants things his way, but doesn't want to lose me at the same time. I've never made him stop talking to her, but he's severely jealous and doesn't give the same energy he wants. He wants freedom from me, but from him there are rules to what I can and can't do. I truly want to believe that he picked me, but deep down I know if she asked to be with him right now, and all he had to do was drop me, we would be done. That part hurts the most. I love him but when they're together he won't even text me or call. He will literally stay out all night, never come home, and just show up at our job, having her drop him off. The rumors are annoying enough to deal with. I would've included all this, but it's already novel length.