I really appreciate your responses. I'm trying to make sure my eyes are in fact open, because my gut has been screaming at me. I've been holding him down on the basis of me believing he chose me, because that's what he claims, but at the end of the day it didn't seem like much of a choice. It feels like the first 4 years were him pretending I was someone else, and these last 4 years are him finally getting to know me. We've had some stupid arguments based off him thinking I'm exactly like him and me realizing he has never paid much attention to me overall as a person. A piece of me does wish he would just stop talking to her considering the issues we've had, but I know better than to demand that from anyone.